Say Major
by Luna Magic17
Summary: Taken place after Jasper lunges at Bella. Edward leaves Bella but Bella isn't in that catatonic state she was in during NM. With the help of an alluring Major, Bella overcomes her low self esteem to face the challenges ahead of her and the one she will grow to call Mate.
1. Farewell

**AN: Luna: Ahem, I would like to go on the record saying that I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. Because if i did, Bella and Edward would have gotten a little more action. **

**SM: Excuse me? You think you can do a better job than me? **

**Luna: Well, yeah. First of all, Bella should have either been with Jasper. And she shouldn't have been so compliant. **

**SM: Jasper. Oh this I have to see.**

**Luna: Ok, but lets make this interesting. If they like my couple better than yours, then you have to tell everyone why in the hell you made them glitter!**

**SM: They don't glitter! They sparkle. **

**Luna: Whatever. Deal?**

**SM:(sighs) Yes Luna. Deal. **

I'm frozen as Carlisle finishes stitching me up. The scene keeps playing in the back of my head, all of those black hungry eyes focused on my blood. But this is what is to be expected when you run with vampires. Sense my dreary mood is from the disaster that shall forever be known as my birthday party, Carlisle finishes quickly before telling Edward to take me home.

"I'm so sorry, my love," Edward gushes his face the epitome of the worried boyfriend. I smile thinly and take his offered hand. Where is Jasper?

The guy probably is out tearing his self apart for going at me. He should at least know that I don't blame him, he is empath after all. Not everything can be prevented; some things need to happen so that you can grow from them. And if you ask me Jasper restraint is amazing. I stretch out my body, letting a small yawn out.

I chuckle, "I guess being tossed through the air is finally catching up with me."

Edward obviously not finding my comical side the least bit funny. Well who pissed on his AB positive? He rests a cool hand on the center of my back and urges me forward. Why is he rushing to get me out of the house? As we turn the corner I crane my head around to catch Carlisle staring out the window, his face etched in concern.

"Carlisle," I call his pale face snaps around to look at me. Edward stops his curiosity getting the best of him. "Will Jasper-"

"Don't worry about Jasper, I won't let anything hurt you," Edward reassured me needlessly. I go to correct him but he is pushing me forward again and any conversation would be mute at this point. I will just have to catch Jasper another time.

The ride to my house is silent. Being with a vampire has it down sides besides the obvious, they can be completely still to the point you wonder if you just imagine they moved. When we pull up to my house the cruiser is parked, and you can see the television lights through the thin curtain.

"Are you coming up," The question is useless I can tell by his ridged stature. But I need to hear him say it. Edward turns to me not saying anything and I know this is one of the times he wishes that he could read my mind.

He shakes his head and my heart sinks. "No it's in your best interest not to be in my presence."

The next moment he is gone, what in the blue fuck? Leave it to Edward to just disappear after saying some of the most cryptic things. I scoff at him and climb out the car. I might be a complete klutz but I'm not hollow in my skull. Its not hard to figure out when I'm not wanted, but of course he will turn it around so that he is looking out for me.

When I get into the house, I move quietly so I don't disturb Charlie. I have yet to figure out how to explain to him about my latest injury. If the fates are on my side he will chalk it up to my normal behavior. Whatever my normal is, I don't even know anymore.

After dragging myself through the shower and the whole ordeal with clothes, I finally climb into my bed. My curtains are drawn to reveal the starry sky; I pull my comforter further up my body. There is a slightly chill in the air, and I feel it in my bones something isn't right. Maybe I should have asked Edward to stay; he could have snuck out after I slept. I can almost imagine him stroking my hair and humming to me. Thinking about my lullaby my eyes grow heavier and heavier and sleep welcome into its dark arms.

_ "Hey, Edward, look at this," I call over my shoulder bending down to pick up the lone flower. Cool arms wrap around my waist anchoring my fragile body to his. "Isn't it pretty?" _

_ He nuzzles my neck. "It's beautiful. What are you going to do with it?" _

_ "Preserve it," I smile brightly at him. "It'll be a permanent souvenir of our date."_

_ "Its better off dead, what's the point of keeping it forever? You're robbing of its natural gift, death." His words hurt and I push away from him. Good way to kill the mood. _

_ I stuff the flower into my pocket and glare at him. Edward is the love of my life but he can be so dense sometimes. Its like he refuses to live in the moment and act out of love. What would be the harm in preserving one little flower. The memories that it would remind me of is far greater than he could imagine. _

_ "You don't understand, love," He soothes taking a step towards me. _

_ "Then help me!" _

_ He nods solemnly and turn on his heels. He strides away without a backwards glance. The butterflies in my stomach turn into angry bees. He isn't leaving is he? He can't get mad over one simple flower. _

_ I start after him. "Wait! What are you doing?" _

_ "Helping you, I'm too much of a threat." _

_ "Edward, wait. I love you! Edward," I shout after him but to no avail he simply disappears. _

I bolt up in my bed the sun just now peeking out of the clouds. "Wait, I love you."

My cheeks are wet from the tears, as if they know something I don't. That dream was too realistic for my taste. Realistic? Wait, _I'm too much of a threat_. It's not in your best interest to be in my presence. _I'm too much of a threat_. It's not in your best interest to be in my presence. _I'm too much of a_ _threat. _No, he wouldn't.

Dashing out of my room I barely swipe my keys and slip on some shoes before I'm stumbling down the stairs. Charlie isn't visible and quite frankly that is the least of my worries. He wouldn't. He loves me, he has told me plenty of times.

Tears blur my vision as I drive down the familiar road. There is no way in hell he is breaking up with me over a single accident. Oh, please let me not be too late. I shove the pedal harder eager to get to the house. Edward is going to be waiting on the porch, ready to chew me out for not waiting on him to come but lets face the facts I will be happy to see him.

My trucks thunders down the road and I'm a bundle of nerves. When I pull up to the house there are no cars our front and my stomach automatically drops. Robotically I step out of the car and walk up the steps towards the mansion. Why hasn't anyone one came out to say hello. Taking a deep breath I push open the door, and suck in a huge breath. The air is empty, the furniture is still here but I know they are gone their presence is lacking.

The piano is uncovered standing out in its glory. I settle down at the bench running my hands over the pristine keys. When one of my fingers slips a note plays out in the air. After it finally cease I break down. Heart wrenching sobs rips out of my body.

I don't know how long I sat at that bench sobbing uncontrollably when I heard his voice. To me time didn't matter anymore, before it was like a time watch was winding down above my head.

"Bella," I turn and stare at his tall frame.

His shirt is off showing his well defined muscles. Something I can admit Edward didn't have at all. Jasper shoulders are wide and his chest is hard and sculpted with muscles. He had to be in fit condition when he was turned because there is no way venom made muscles that perfect. I follow his chest down until it starts to curve into a 'v' and them my eyes fly to his golden ones while my cheeks flame.

I offer him a weak smile. "They're gone, aren't they?"

"Sorry darlin'," He nods but he still keeps his distance. Maybe my emotions are too much for him to deal with right now.

"Why didn't you go?" I ask bitterly turning back to the piano.

"The same as you. I wasn't invited," I can hear him chuckle but I know he isn't humored in the least bit. "I endangered their favorite person."

Upon hearing his words I whirl around on my seat and glare at him. His tone doesn't sit right with me at all. In the next moment I find myself on my feet, glaring daggers at him.

"Don't you even think that," Anger pulse through me as I listen to his words again in my head. "You are a vampire not to mention an empath. I am a human. You were fine when I sliced my finger and I know you were fine when I went flying into that glass. While everyone eyes were black yours were golden! There were six hungry vampires in the room and you still managed to control your thirst but what sent you over the edge was that my blood is especially potent to one vampire in particular. Edward. If someone endangered me it was him."

Jasper looks at me curiously and he has yet to move. It's oddly comforting to see him act so natural, so vampire like. I know last night I said that it freaked me out when Edward was so still but that is because it seemed so force. With Jasper it's like a second nature to him.

"You're not scared that I will drain you dry while you are out here by yourself," I laugh at his words even though they chilled me a little they are still funny.

I shrug. "Jasper if you wanted to kill me you would have done it by now. There is an air about you that gives off dangerous vibes. You are the ultimate predator, if you wanted my blood nothing could stop you not even the Cullen's."

The next second he is in my face. My heart rate increase dramatically and he grins. Stupid vampire speed. I stuck my tongue out at him and take a step back only to be jerked to his body. He stares into my eyes searching for something.

"If you're so smart, why in the hell were you dating _Edward_?"

I huff but I don't look away. "Because he looked at me. He saw me when he didn't have to. I wasn't plain ole' Bella to him, I was the lamb to his lion."

"So you enjoy being defenseless," He says this with obvious distaste.

"No, Jasper, I don't," He looks down at me once again. "When everyone was fighting James for me, I wanted nothing more than to help. You misunderstood me. Edward looked at me and saw something worth fighting for, and for that he will always have a place in my heart."

Jasper frowns at me and brush some hair out of my face. He looks and deep thought and immediately I start to panic. Does he think that since he doesn't have to conform to the Cullen's lifestyle he can drain me? Though right now I'm not so sure I mind. I wasn't good enough for Renee, I was a fool to believe I was enough for Edward, what is there left for me? Nothing but a life of half fulfilled expectations because no man will ever compare to the beauty that the males in the Cullen clan possess.

"Stop, whatever you are thinking," Jasper hiss and then the next instant he is back to the arch of the doorway. I let out a necessary breath before taking a seat back down on the bench. "You should go, Isabella. There is nothing left here for you, go be the human Edward wants you to be."

My hands curl into fist and I want very much to sucker punch Jasper. Where in the hell does he get off telling me to be something I'm not? Wait? Is it true that I'm not what Edward wants? I mean we constantly are at a tug of war with my humanity. Edward wants me to grow old and always remain defenseless and I want to join him in the undead and be his equal. I've never no matter what he says been his equal. Does jasper thinks that I want a life where I'm not on the same playing field as my spouse?

"Fuck you, Jasper," I glare at the blonde haired beauty in front of me. He might be the dangerous creature ever but he is also the world biggest dick. "If you don't want me to bother you then fine but there is no need to be such an ass about it. "

He smirks at me. "Have a nice life, Isabella."

Stalking pass him I make sure to conjure as much anger as I can and hit him full blast with it. The answering snarl warms my bones as I skip down the remaining stairs. As soon as I am in the safety of my cab the events of today consume me. My love, the man I promised myself to, left me under the pretense most likely of saving me. Doesn't he know there is no life for me but by his side?

_But you were never going to be by his side_, bitter Bella coos into my mind. I grind my teeth together not admitting anything to myself. It's only when I'm pulling up to my house do I realize that I left before the sun rose and now it's seven in the morning. When Charlie steps outside on the porch, his eyes red rimmed and his hair in disarray, I know I'm in a fucked up position.

"Isabella Marie Swan," My father calls into the morning air his face set in fury. Uh-oh. "In the kitchen NOW!"

Obediently I follow him into our quaint kitchen. His shotgun is lying carelessly on the counter next to a pad filled with scribble. I pull out a chair and fling myself into it waiting the coming lecture. Charlie moves around the kitchen silently as he begins making him some coffee. It's too silent, he isn't Charlie right now he is a mixture of Chief Swan and over concerned parent.

Once his cup is filled he leans against the counter. His brown eyes are hard and non-warming nothing like I am used to. Has Charlie finally reached his limit in the things he is going to condone? There is only so much a man will take from his daughter and sneaking off in the wee hours in the morning doing god knows what isn't one of them.

"So you want to tell me why I woke this morning to an empty house," He asks as he takes a sip from his coffee. The message is clear, tell me the truth or else.

"Edward and I broke up."

Charlie nods like it all makes sense. "So I'm guessing you came home to pack a bag and storm off in a whirl of teenage emotions, leaving me here to pick up the pieces?"

I flinch from his comment, its worse than being smacked. Did I really come off as that immature when I left here? It never crossed my mind that Charlie would actually suffer emotionally from my departure.

"No," I wrap my hands around my torso to keep the underlying pain at bay.

"Then what, Isabella," He shouts at me as he slams his coffee mug down. Brown liquid stains his white shirt and falls on the floor. The offending liquid rolls down the cracks in the tile going to an unknown destination. "Isabella!"

"I don't know," And its true I don't know what to do.

He looks at me in disgust. "How can one boy have this much control over you? You are my daughter, I raised you to think on your own, logically too. But, god help me, if you aren't acting like your ditzy mother. You're just like her and it scares me."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You are turning into your haired brained mother. I've kept my mouth shut; stupid of me I see that now, because that boy made you happy. Even when you decided to take him back for some unfathomable reason, I kept my mouth shut. But you listen to me and you listen to me good. If you think you are going to sit around here depressed over some boy that was controlling and had complete disregard towards your opinion you have lost your goddamn mind. Cry, moan and groan but you will get over it. Because if you don't you're going to live with you mother. And that's after you get over this little obsession."

I snap. "Its not an obsession, I love him!"

"Isabella, do you even know what it means to love someone romantically? No? Well, let me give you an idea. When you love someone you give them room to grow. When you love someone you allow for them to make their own choices. When you love someone you respect their opinion. When you love someone you don't turn them into a nonfunctioning person when you aren't around! You weren't in love with Edward, maybe the idea of him, not him. You couldn't love him because you don't love yourself."

"Is that what you think of me?" I whisper my pain becoming unbearable.

"Yeah, I love you Bells honestly I do. And part of being a father is knowing your child. When you got here, you weren't a teenager; you were an adult because you took care of your mother. Because you were forced to grow up so much, it ruined your image of yourself. You were never comfortable in your skin much more so when you were with Edward. You worshipped the ground he walked on because you deemed yourself unworthy-"

"Like you did with mom," I shout jumping out of my chair tear streaming down my face.

Charlie looks at me as if I lost my mind. "I never thought I wasn't good enough for your mom. Part of loving her unconditionally was realizing that we weren't good enough for each other that's why allowed for her to go. But Isabella, when you come to your senses you will see that your relationship with Edward was bullshit from the beginning."

I shake my head and turn on my heels. Charlie has lost his mind. He should have comforted me not sat there judged me. Now he tells me how to cope with my break up when he did worse when mom left? He can feed me all that loving unconditional bullshit but it doesn't erase the fact that he still is a middle aged bachelor because he is in love with Renee.

"Oh, and Bells, leave your keys, you either get dropped off in the cruiser or carpool," I nod without turning around and stalk up the stairs to my room.

My life has just spiraled down the drain in a night. How can one accident cause so much heartache? And to top it off, no one gets it. Edward left me! Why isn't as earth shattering to everyone else? Maybe I was the fool for believe that he was going to wait for me. Why wait for an eighteen year old nobody when you can have any human you want?

The day passes in a blur. Charlie leaves for work without saying anything, not that it mattered much. We aren't even on cordial basis with one another right now. Its going to be a long time before I can forgive him for treating me the way he did. He should have wiped my tears and told it's going to be okay, not pour salt on an open wound.

The night is even more uneventful. Nightmares plague every minute of any sleep I tried to get. Charlie tried to hold me the first time, but I fought him off. He doesn't understand the pain rippling beneath my skin. But to his credit he doesn't leave, he sits in Edward's rocking chair. If possible that makes the nightmares worse, reality sets in. Edward isn't coming back, I am on my own.


	2. Seeking a Partner for the Undead

**AN: Luna: Well, well, we meet again, Steffy. I can call you that right? **

**SM(looking cross): Can we get this over with? **

**Luna: As you know. The score is currently 1-0. I have the lead. Aren't you nervous?**

**Sm(snorts): Pssh. I eat stories like this for snacks. It was only the first chapter. And by the way my Charlie would have never done that. **

**Luna: Yeah because your Charlie was a boytch! Mines is a certified father figure. **

**Sm: Whatever. Nice title for the chapter. Don't tell you you're throwing the towel in and making them all lovely dovey? I thought you were all about the nitty gritty.**

**Luna: My Jasper is the fucking God of War. When he decides to be lovely fucking dovey, it won't be in the title. Read the masterpiece and weep, Meyers.**

**SM: As you wish, hopefully my eyes won't bleed. **

Charlie leaves the next day, making me promise not to leave. I never answer, just slammed my door. I'm still angry at his words, I've given and given and what do I get? Nothing. Just a 'get well soon or else' threat. So in my teenage act of rebellion, I ignore my chores. Hell, he said that I can mope as long as I get over it. Since he is such a big guy he can handle doing my housework for the next couple of days. Or until he apologize for his hurtful words.

"Don't think too hard, darlin', or you might hurt yourself," I jump three feet into the air upon hearing his voice. Clutching the pillow to my chest I turn to glare, at the blonde Adonis before me.

He laughs when I flip him off. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you."

"We have a front door." I reply evenly, as I clench my hands into fists.

Jasper eyes darken and his nostrils flare. "So the window is Eddie special entrance? Forgive me I didn't realize it was a V.I.P. entrance."

"You know what? Fuck you! I've done nothing to you and you're acting like such a dick. But if memory serves me correctly we are in the same boat. Your mate ditched you just like mines." I smirk taking in his surprised face. I bet there aren't many time that you can surprise Jasper like this.

"You have a functioning brain and a backbone. One would have never known with the way you acted with Edward."

"Alright, Jasper Hale, get out my house. Insults aren't welcome," Throwing him a hateful glare I storm out of my room.

Once I reach the bottom step, there is a knock. For once I listen to that nagging bitch in my head, and don't answer. Preferring to look through the peephole. My blood boils when I lock eyes with the infuriating bastard from hell. Throwing the door open I point my finger in his face, only to have snatched in midair.

"Aht, Aht, I would be careful if I were you, I like to bite," My mouth flops open. Who is this and what has he done with the quiet boy I use to know?

"Jasper, what do you want? I'm trying to mope here and you aren't helping." I cross my arms over my chest. Jasper's eyes follow the movement and pause there for a moment before returning to my eyes.

Jasper softens, well his face is the most relaxed it's been since my birthday. He looks exquisite with the sun rays peeking out from the clouds, teasing his skin. The smooth marble gleams turning from deathly pale to a magnificent snowy tint. His jaw is tense, but firm and masculine. His full lips are slightly parted but a pale pink, a healthy color despite being dead. The golden locks that are normally limps appear bouncy and shiny. I see what Alice didn't, the raw beauty of Jasper. He isn't the boy next door nor is he the cuddly bear that Emmett was or the authority figure like Carlisle. He's what man is supposed to be, raw undiluted strength.

"I came to tell you that I was wrong yesterday to tell you to be what Edward wants you to be," He stops and takes an unnecessary breath. "I know there is more to you than the klutz that Edward dazzled every day. And you shouldn't go back to being that for anyone, especially me."

I nod my head, partially because I'm stunned and the other part because I don't want to ruin this Jasper. He is actually being cordial to me. Not that this is the first time. But it's the first after the Cullen's disappearance.

"I don't know who I'm supposed to be," Admitting this out loud is a punch to the gut. It brings back the fight I had with Charlie. He was right. Oh God was he right. I don't love myself. I never had the chance.

"Isabella. You're Isabella."

Noticing the car that is on my curb, my attention sharpens. I look at Jasper inquisitively then back at the car. It dawns on me along with everything else. Jasper is leaving. Of course he wouldn't leave bad blood between us especially since he feels at fault for 'attacking' me. But when Jasper leaves he takes my only link to happiness with him. I might not be happy with Edward anymore but there is one thing that I got right while I was with him. I was never supposed to remain human.

"Whatever you're thinking stop," I smirk at the repeat words. "Seriously, I don't like it go back to moping. I like those vibes better."

"Change me, Jasper."

"Hell no!" Jasper exclaims pushing off the doorframe to leave. I grab his arm in a weak attempt to keep him here. He pauses.

"Please Jasper."

"No, Bella," He glares at me. "I don't want you."

"I don't want you either but you're all I got left." I let my hand drop. "Jasper, I won't be the mopey girl that Edward left behind if you give me this."

"No, you'll be my headache."

"But I-"

Jasper cuts me off. "I'm going back to drinking from humans, Bella."

This floors me. He can't be serious but in the short while I've been around Jasper I know that he isn't the type to say things to get people away from him. He actually means that he is going to drink from humans. All of his hard work gone to waste. But was it his hard work?

"You didn't do it for you. You did it for Alice." I whisper.

"You don't know what you're talking 'bout."

I nod my head vigorously. "You adopted the Cullen's diet because of Alice. And Alice never knew because as long as you two were together you never had a reason to go back to your former diet."

"Bella, it doesn't matter I'm not changing you."

"Jasper, not changing me is death within itself. The Cullen's might can fool themselves into thinking that leaving is the best option for me. A chance at a normal life. But you and I both know that's not the truth. There is mark on me, I've seen the invisible. I can't go back to ignoring that."

"Bella, I'm not going to cuddle you."

I smile, he is relenting. "Good. I don't need to be."

"I can't believe this shit. Fucking human manipulating me," I chuckle at his mumbled words knowing that it was meant for me to hear. "Go grab your stuff. You got five minutes before I leave."

Okay so it didn't take me five minutes, a little under four. I didn't trust Jasper not to leave on the dot. He really isn't warmed to the idea of a companion but it's just me, five feet of cowardliness. What's the worst thing I can get us into? When I slide into the black leather of his Aston Martin, he pulls off. Normally I would be freaking out about the speed-a little part of me is-but soon I won't die from speeding.

Jasper grips the wheel tightly, every now and then he risk a glance at me. One of the times I catch him looking I wave. This wasn't the smartest thing to do considering he speeds up ten miles in response. If I'm going to weather the Jasper Hale shit storm, I need to remain off his radar. Now that is going to be difficult, he incites my worst aspects. Hell, I've cursed more in the past forty-eight hours than I've have my entire life. And all because of Jasper.

We've been driving for eight hours and I have yet to sleep a wink. I've eaten five granola bars to ward off hunger but sooner or later Jasper is going have to stop so that I can eat and use the bathroom. He will probably give me hell about it but it's one of the things that I cannot change until he bites me. And by the way he is acting; you would think I've sentenced him to death.

My phone breaks the deathly silence an hour later. I glance over at Jasper but he doesn't acknowledge the fact that it's ringing. Do I ignore it? Making the decision I grab my phone without looking at the screen.

"Bella, where are you," The one person I didn't think about when I made my decision. Charlie. The only person that I will regret leaving. But I'm living for me now.

"Gone."

There is a pause. "Jesus, Bells, I thought you weren't going to put me through this again? Come back this instant, Bella. I can't keep taking this."

"I'm not coming back, Dad. And don't think this is because of Edward, it's not. You made me realize that this past year hasn't been healthy. I don't love myself, you're right. But I'm going to start. And this is my first step."

He doesn't say anything for a moment. "I wish you could have figured this out and stayed. You're eighteen though; I can't make you do anything. When I was your age, I was married and starting my own family. Just don't forget me. When I left home I barely kept in contact with my folks. I couldn't bear it if history repeated itself."

I look over at Jasper for an answer. He looks over me briefly before shaking his head negatively. I let out a deep breath. Surely I can at least e-mail my father once I get where we are going. If I can't I'm not going to tell Charlie, it would break his heart.

"I'll send you an e-mail when I can," I tell him softly.

"When will I see you, Bells, I rather see you than have an e-mail."

"Um, Da-" Jasper snatches the phone out of my hand and tosses it out the window. "What the hell?"

"Let's establish something. I'm in control here. I talk. You listen. I command. You obey. Understood? There is a reason I told you not to tell him. Amazing right? Raging bloodlust. Uncontrollable. Incredibly strong. Does any of that ring a bell?"

I bite my lip. "Are we talking about you or me?"

"Godamnit, Bella! You say you want something but you're not even taking it seriously," Jasper swerves onto an exit. "Get it through your thick skull; you're going to be a vampire Bella. Better to have Charlie thinking you're pushing daisies instead of sipping a pina colada on the beach. Is this honestly what you want? If not I can take you back."

"You're overreacting," I mumble.

"No I'm not. You die when you become a vampire. Your old life doesn't exist." Jasper pulls into the parking lot of McDonalds. "Get something to eat and handle your other stuff. When you come out have an answer. I don't have time to hold your fucking hand."

I slam the door in a fit of rage, and accidently shout an explicit word. A grandmotherly looking woman glances at me weirdly but I give her a look that says today isn't the day. Normally I'm nicer than this. I am nice, aren't I? Unfortunately Jasper has that effect on me, making me question things I rather not. I give the man my order before slipping into the bathroom. There is no one in the bathroom when I enter. Something to be thankful for. I'm not in my best mood right now.

When I finish using the bathroom and wash my hands, I stare at myself in the mirror. If you would have asked me when I came to Forks what I wanted, I would have probably responded with to go to college. But like always my destination got screwed up along the way. I fell in love with Edward. I lost myself to him completely giving him control over every part of me. But I told Jasper I wouldn't be this mopey Bella. I lied. Its hard to erase someone out of your life that you loved completely with everything you had in you. But I'll try to get over him because I don't want to be who I am now. This I am certain of. I've loved and I've lost but I've gained also. With Jasper I have the chance to be me. To be who I want to be. So there isn't a decision to be made, I know where my mind is.

My order is ready when I get back. I wasn't surprised; I was in the bathroom for a very long time. That happens when you have an inner dialogue with yourself. Jasper starts the car when I shut the door. He is quiet not saying anything. I don't make an effort to talk either preferring to gobble my food down and possibly get some sleep.

"The grandma crossed herself when you walked past," I arch an eyebrow in disbelief; it wasn't even a terrible word. "Apparently Satan's workers are running rampant nowadays."

"We-wel-well that lady can go fuck herself," I snap under my breath. When we get back on the interstate I'm confused. "Where are we going?"

Jasper turns down the radio. "When you didn't get back in the car in a fit of tears I assumed you were staying. So our destination is Texas."

"Everything is bigger in Texas."

"Why yes, yes it is." I shake my head when Jasper chest puffs up with pride.

As we ride on I start to get sleepy. It might have something to do with music Jasper is playing. Now that I think about it he and Edward are polar opposites in the music they listen too. While Edward was a natural at the piano, Jasper seems like he would be a natural with a guitar in his hand. I'll have to ask him if he plays. Eyes On Fire by Blue Foundation comes onto the radio and its with that song that slip into unconsciousness, where I dream of Edward.

To say I was woken rudely is an understatement. Being slap by a vampire isn't pretty its downright painful. I scowl at Jasper and he has the audacity to scowl back. Now if he thinks that he is going to abusive he lost his natural undead mind.

"There has to be a logical excuse for you TO SLAP ME," Unbuckle my seat belt and scramble out the car knowing that if I stay in that car, I'll do something that will hurt me more than him.

It's a good thing that he has parked because I didn't stop to see if the car was moving or not. Jasper follows my actions and stares at me warily. His hands are tucked in the back pocket of his jeans. We stay this way for a few minutes. Mainly he is waiting for me to calm down.

"I'm waiting, Hale," I snarl at him.

"The name's Whitlock, Bella," He states calmly. "You were talking you your sleep."

"So you _smacked_ me?"

"Okay when you say it like that it seems worse than it is."

"You _smacked_ me!"

Jasper nods. "Yes, I believe we've covered that already."

"Jasper," I warn feeling my rage coming back.

"You were moaning and withering about Edward. It was fine in the beginning. But you kept getting louder. To the point you were screaming. _Oh, Edward don't leave me. I love you. Stay with me I'll do anything. Come back. _I tried waking you the normal way you just screamed louder. So I smacked you."

I scratch my arm and stare down at the ground. Never before have I been so mortified about my sleep talking. Edward managed to make it seem harmless. Jasper just makes me feel pathetic. Can't he see I'm trying? All day the fact that Edward left me was absent, as long as I didn't think about it the feelings associated with it weren't there. But when I'm sleep I'm vulnerable to the things I ignore while I am awake. The truth is there is a gigantic hole in my chest.

I let out a strangled sob and whirl around to seek shelter away from Jasper judging eyes. But I don't get far. He catches me and refuses to let me wander farther.

"C'mon Bella, seriously," He protests.

"I'm sorry Jasper that I can't erase the pain. I'm sorry!" I wail and he takes an automatic step backwards. "Didn't it hurt when Alice left? Can't you feel her absence? Tell me you feel something. I know I'm not in this alone. Damnit Jasper can't you allow yourself to feel your own emotions?"

"Get in the car, Bella."

I shake my head.

"Stop bein' difficult!" He shouts at me with a wild look in his eyes.

"Not until you tell me you feel it also. It hurts doesn't it! It hurts that she is gone! Admit it, damn you Jasper, you can feel!"

The next moment he is in front of me. He lifts me until I'm eye to eye with him. His black eyes drill into me stripping me of any thought that I can take him head on. They remind me of my place.

"I'm not scared of you," I whisper placing my hand on his cold cheek.

He shudders at the contact. "It hurts. I can feel too, Bella. But unlike you I can admit something that you can't. Alice wasn't my mate. There isn't a knot in my chest in her absence. If she died, I could still go on. So yeah it hurt, the bitch played me like a fiddle. But I'm not devastated because she wasn't my other half. So face it Bella, Edward wasn't your mate. He wasn't the Carlisle to your Esme. So no I'm not sympathetic to your sniveling because you're so much better than this."

"What did Alice do to you?" I whisper.

He lets out a dark chuckle before putting me down on the ground. As he turns to leave he replies, "The most un-Alice like thing, she admitted to her faults. She used me. Just like my creator. My salvation was just like my creator."

I know this isn't meant for me to comment on. So I don't. Once we get back into the car, Jasper stays still for a minute before starting the car. I believe he just realized the same thing I did. He needs me as much as I need him. Sure I came into this to get something from him. But we are in this together. Or until he gets tired of me, that how it normally goes.

The next few days are spent crossing boarders and eating. Jasper isn't big on talking other than ripping me a new one for saying something dumb. When you've lived as long as he has you have the right to say whatever comes to mind, words from the man himself. With his arrogance and weird music I'm on my wits end.

"Tell me we're almost there," I groan as I see another welcome sign.

"Another hour and we'll be at the place." He replies.

Technically it takes us two hours because, he had to stop and hunt. Jasper claimed that there wasn't going to be anything edible beside me for the next couple of days. I shot him a look that could kill as I climb out of the car and headed into the grocery store to stock up on some food. He told me not to buy much since I won't be human for long. When I finished my shopping the car was already outside waiting on me. I started to say something smart about him being my bitch-just to send him over the edge-but stopped in my tracks when I noticed his ruby colored eyes. He watched, as I cocked my head to the side before shrugging and telling him to get on with it, in silence.

Now we are in front of a white two-story farmhouse. I watch amuse as Jasper whisk the bags out of my hands before disappearing into the house. To be honest I expected a lot things a mansion, penthouse, warehouse, hole, but not a quaint farmhouse. This was out of my cognitive process. But Jasper Whitlock has yet to cease to surprise me.

Hefting my bag onto my shoulder I enter the house. Jasper isn't anywhere to be found. But I know that he is close, call it a sixth sense. My eyes roam the bare house wondering why he had me to buy food that will spoil without a fridge. Not my money but it does irk me that good food will go to waste. My bag makes a soft thump as I allow for it to slide off my shoulder onto the wooden floor. The house is old but with a little TLC it can be back in its prime. It has a little charm to it that warms my bones; it has the potential to be home.

My wanderings find me in a modern renovated kitchen, complete with stainless steel appliances. Jasper isn't here but I can see he put up the food by looking at the glass cabinetry. If he thinks that he is just going to drop me off here and go about on his on he has another thing coming. _Aren't you getting a little too dependent on him_, bitter Bella questions? I don't think so it just the effects of being cooped up in a car with him for a couple days.

"Why are you standing in one spot like an idiot," Jasper questions as he appears suddenly in front of the stove.

"Where have you been?"

Jasper clenches his jaw before relaxing. "I thought we established the fact that there wouldn't be any questioning me?"

"No, I won't question your judgment. I never said anything about questioning." I cross my arms over my chest and look at him defiantly.

"You didn't have any dreams about Edward last night. That's a good sign," I frown leave it to him to ruin the mood. "As for you question. I was running the perimeter."

"They're vampires here?" I ask suddenly worried.

"We're everywhere, Bella."

My heart constricts at the word Bella. It sound so forced coming from him. I admit it sounds better coming from Edward but I'm not that same girl I'm changing. Bella doesn't suit me anymore. It never did honestly, that's why I had to remind people to call me Bella. It wasn't a true nickname. Bells stuck with Charlie because let's face it; I will always be his little girl. Jasper is the only person that's ever really taken the time to get to know me and make me know myself regardless of the findings.

"Jasper, Bella doesn't exist. Find something else to call me," With that I turn to finish exploring our home.


	3. Rats and Optimum White

**AN: Luna: So do you need a Kleenex to wipe your tears? **

**SM: Go jump off a cliff. I'll hand it to you that was a nice chapter. But Jasper and Bella alone in a house. Is that really a good idea? **

**Luna: Sure it is...at least I think it is. Oh shut it, I know what you're trying to do. Make me doubt my superb skills. **

**SM: You have non to make me doubt. But enough chit-chat lets see what the two idiots are up too. **

**Beta By: CaramelApple74**

"Jasper!" My scream cuts through the silence. I hold my hairbrush out in a defense position as I cower in the corner.

Jasper is in the room in the next second. My attention strays from the danger to his half naked body. A pair of low slung blue jeans is temptingly unbuckled and his shirt is absent. I stifle a giggle at seeing his bare feet; they are surprisingly normal, un-claw like. Jasper's ruby eyes dart around the room as he comes to stand protectively in front of me. He looks over his shoulder at my stricken face.

"What happened?" His voice is low and deadly, hinting at promises of pain for whomever dares to encroach on his territory and threaten his ward.

I point in the general direction of where the offending thing was. "There was a rat in my room. A rat! Catch it, Jasper. Please."

Jasper relaxes out of his crouch to turn and look at me in disbelief. I stare back at him unblinking. This is a serious matter, something we have to add onto our list of things to do. As I watch him he does something that throws me for a loop; he laughs. Like an all-out belly-flopping laugh. Normally I would be ecstatic about it, and I briefly revel in the sound before snapping back to attention.

"This isn't a laughing matter," I protest, storming around him to leave the room that I claimed as my own. "Jasper, catch that thing."

He easily catches up with me on the wide staircase. "I'm a vampire, not the damn pest control. If I were, you would have been out on your ass long ago."

"Now isn't time to be a jackass, Jasper," I comment, coming to rest on the bottom banister. "Either catch that thing tonight or I'm going to be your roommate. Make your choice, Whitlock."

"You can't be serious."

"As a heart attack."

"Do you have an idea of how many rats are on this farm?" he asks behind my back.

A shiver goes down my spine. "No, and I don't want to know. That question is going to make it difficult for me to sleep tonight."

He mutters something too low for my human ears as I disappear into what is transforming into our living room. We've currently been at this farm for two weeks. For two weeks Jasper has been trying me to the point of insanity. Instead of making things easier he makes them harder. When I go to clean something, and it's clean, he has to go behind me and clean it to vampire standards. He doesn't even use the sink!

Other than his natural asshole way, things have been going smoothly. We've cleaned out the dusty house and painted all of the rooms. Now we are touching up things. Jasper mentioned something about the roof. At that point I told him if he wanted to kill me he didn't have to get me on the roof. He assumed I was joking, but I was serious. The subject of the change hasn't been brought up, and I know that it's not going to be brought up. When Jasper gets ready to change me he will. He has already consented to it so there is nothing left to talk about.

A couple of hours later Jasper finds me taking down the fireplace mantle. He remains in the doorway as I examine the rotten wood in disgust. Every day we find something wrong in this house, and I hope that he didn't pay a lot of money for it. When I twist my hair out of my face I watch his edgy profile.

I sigh and wipe my forehead. "You didn't find it, did you?"

"I found a rat, but it was out in the field. It could be the one from you room."

I stand and place my hands on my hips. "Jasper, it was in my room. How am I supposed to sleep in it knowing that thing can get in when it wants?"

"I don't know nor do I fucking care. Close your eyes and count sheep. You're not sleeping in my room," he informs, turning around to leave.

"Yes I am!" I shout after him.

I throw my head back and let out a growl. He loves getting me riled up. Apparently it's doing wonders for my attitude, but in my opinion I'm becoming a bitch. When I told this to Jasper earlier at breakfast he laughed at me and asked if I was becoming one or if I've always been one. I had no answer.

I put down my tool when I hear a song playing. Dismissing it as a figment of my imagination I pick the hammer back up, but in mid-swing I hear the unmistakable voice of that singer. But its not my phone, he tossed mines out the window. That leaves Jasper's iPhone. He has Taylor Swift as a ringtone? This I have to witness. The last time I checked he was working in the bathroom.

Jasper is currently installing new tiles on the shower wall. It's a sleek grey and very modern yet homely looking. We're going to use blue to lighten the room up. When I come into the spacious bathroom Jasper is ending a conversation that I did not hear and placing his phone in his pocket. His eyes are narrowed and his body is coiled into a familiar stance; he's in his element now. Something's happened.

"That was a friend. He and his mate are in tight fix. I'm going to be gone for a couple of days. You got enough food to last for a week?"

I bite my bottom lip. "Yes, but-"

"No buts, we've been over this before. If you can't trust me enough to follow my decision than you need to reevaluate your situation."

Getting fed up with his attitude I throw my hammer at his head. He's too shocked to move out the way, and it bounces off his head, just missing his hair.

"Stop threatening me, Whitlock. I'm not the same girl that cried over Edward two weeks ago. I know where I belong. It's the twenty-first century; women ask questions, get use to it. It doesn't mean that I don't trust you, I just like to be informed."

"I'll leave tonight."

I throw my hands into the air. I'm not going to hold his hand so he'll understand that I'm with him. Hell, I don't even know why I feel loyal to the jackass, but I do. It might have something to do with the fact that he preps my breakfast for me under the ruse of figuring out the dynamics humans go through to sustain themselves. Or the fact that he teaches me how to do things instead of doing it for me. He stimulates my mind, not merely entertain it. But the guy is fucking bipolar; one moment he is hot then cold, and his favorite lukewarm.

We go through the rest of the day in our regular schedule. We move in sync, neither one bothering to speak. He knows I am angry and he isn't going to apologize. Till we come to a compromise it's like we are walking on eggshells. My mind goes to his destination. He mentioned friends, and I know that has nothing to do with the Cullen's, but who are they? He's never mentioned friends, and from what I gathered he was a nomad before joining the Cullen's.

"You're worried." I look up startled to see him in front of me a good distance away though. "Why?"

"You have no reason to come back. I have money in the safe, a car, and a house. You aren't obligated to come back. You've made it known you don't want me here."

"I'm coming back."

I sniffle, "Sure."

Trying to be the big girl I've started easing into is hard. My mind is screaming that it's happening again, but yet the scary part is that I know I won't break like before. I'm stronger mentally than I've ever been. In this moment I realize that I've come a good distance in my mental and emotional health. I know I don't need Jasper to be happy, but I do know he increases the feeling.

His finger lifts my chin up. "It me and you, Isa. We're a team now, even though you don't clean worth a shit."

"You're coming back? Promise?"

"None of that sappy stuff. Where is the hellcat that's been keeping me on my toes? Or the snappy woman that tossed a hammer at my head?" He taps me on my nose. "You can do this. You've grown a lot in the past couple of weeks. This break will make you realize it."

I nod my head in agreement. He pulls me to my feet gently. Its almost time for him to get ready to go. The sun is setting outside, bathing the surroundings in an orangey light. Jasper runs through the house, doing a once over before disappearing outside to run the perimeter. When he comes back he has a half smile that's becoming one of my favorite features of his.

"The car has gas if you need to go somewhere, you know where the cash is, and here," He hands me a sleek kind of big phone. "It was a present but you need it now. My number is programmed in there, call me if there is the slightest hint of trouble."

"Jasper, I got this."

Quicker than I knew possible he takes off his necklace and hangs it on my neck. "Never take this off, it will tell my kind whose protection you're under."

I look at it curiously. It's a thick leather band with a pendant hanging on it. From the weight of it I know it's done in gold. In the center there is a lone star wrapped in the infinity symbol bleeding. My fingers trace the raise ridges of the engravings.

"What does it mean?"

"Its Latin for a warrior's strength is infinite. It's the Whitlock's crest." My head snaps up at him shocked. He is giving me his crest? I go to give it back but he stills my hands at my neck. "No, Isa, you need it. In case a vampire catches whiff of my scent and decides to be curious. The only thing that might stop them is this."

"Why? Wouldn't they assume that I'm just a pet?" My nose wrinkles at the word pet.

Jasper straightens up, his demeanor hardening. "I'm a bad man, suga' pie."

"Suga pie?" I exclaim in outrage. Ever since I told him to find another nickname he calls me the most outrageous things. He hasn't come up with anything permanent, but I believe Isa is going to be the winner. It's already mine. "I'm drawing the line. Take your country slang and hit the road."

"Try not to get into any trouble." I wave my hand dismissing him, but I do get the message; any trouble attracts unwanted attention.

When all the doors are locked and I've eaten dinner, I stand in the middle of the floor. What am I supposed to do? In reality this is the first time I've been alone. The possibilities are endless, well maybe not endless seeing as how I'm not supposed to get into any trouble. My shoulders slump in defeat; I'm pretty boring, left to my own devices I'll die of boredom. I could go out somewhere, but the thought going anywhere in the dark without Jasper-especially since he made it seem like this place is crawling with vampires-doesn't sit right with me.

A bubble bath it is. Jasper finished the hall bathroom upstairs so we both could shower. For my benefit after a lot of grumbling he installed a whirlpool tub. It's huge. It can easily fit three people and still have room, but with all the work we've been doing I have yet gotten to use it. In my room I quickly gather my clothing for tonight and tomorrow, a towel, and Jane Eyre. I drop my clothing in Jasper's room, the only other room besides mines with a bed. Why he needs a bed is beyond my comprehension. The bath is ready when I get back into the room. I strip down until I'm naked and examine my body in the mirror. The most noticeable thing is my eyes are lively; before they were kind of dull. But there is a spark within them now. My body is a lot curvier now since Jasper insists that I eat three times a day to keep my health up. I like it; I feel more of a woman.

When I finish ogling my body I slip down into the water and let out a satisfied moan as my muscles unclench and finally relax. My thick brown hair floats around me in the water once I unbound it from the nape of my neck. Once I fetch my novel from the ledge I'm set for the next couple of hours. Literature is something I find an escape in. Growing up I was able to seek refuge in books when taking care of my mother got to be too much. Charlie always bought me enough books on the holidays we spent together to make me a mini library. It would get on Renee's nerves, but what could she do? It's the only thing I ever asked for.

My phone bleeps, startling me out of my trance of reading and drifting off. I reach for it blindly, cursing Jasper for his timing. He could have waited until morning when he knew I would be up to call me, but knowing him he probably doesn't know what time it is.

"Are you there already?" I ask, my voice a little husky.

"Not yet, I was checking up on you. I won't be there until tomorrow." He sounds pleasant; there are no sharp tones in his voice. Maybe the distance will do us some good.

I let out a yawn. "I'm fine. I ate dinner then got in the tub. Kind of lost track of time. By the way, thanks for the tub, its spectacular."

"Didn't have a choice with all of your huffing and puffing." We lapse into a silence and I begin shaving my legs. "Will you sand the porch for me?"

"The entire front porch?" I groan and dip my leg into the water. "Your wish is my command. Do I need to pick up the paint or will you grab it on your way back?"

"I didn't take a car so you get it." I finish the other leg before letting the water drain. "Sleep well, kitten."

I snort. "I plan on it, Major Jackass."

"You do realize without me there those rats will attack you." He hangs up the phone, leaving me stunned and a little paranoid.

I sleep in Jasper bed with the hopes that my nightmares don't come back. Edward hasn't graced my thoughts in days, and that might have something to do with me always keeping busy, but mainly it's what Jasper said. Jasper was right that Edward wasn't my mate. I was more upset over losing the one person that noticed me, but in all honesty he didn't notice me, he noticed the silence in my head. Accepting that was one of the hardest things I've made myself do, and it's something that I'm getting in the habit of doing; accepting the truth. As long as I'm happy with myself that's all that matters at the end of the day.

I wake up with a mixture of emotions, mainly arousal and confusion. To say that my dream last night was enough to send me to the hospital and be admitted into the mental ward is saying the least. If I'm not dreaming about one person I'm dreaming about another. I just wished that people would stay the hell out of my dreams, its making me crazy. I grab my phone whilst rubbing the sleep out of my eye. Jasper texted me an hour ago, and I send him a good morning text not in the mood to talk to him after that weird dream. Sure having your naked body rubbed in rose smelling oil on the beach by Jasper is every girl's wet dream, but when I wake and have to deal with it that's a whole other matter.

"Why me?" I shout into the quiet house before getting out of the comfortable bed.

I don a pair of light blue jean skinny jeans with rips in them with a fitted white tee that's been marked with several colors of paint. My construction boots sets off the work outfit that is identical with the outfits that Jasper wears around the house. Neither one of us have much use for dressing up, and I'm more prone to wear tennis shoes than five inch heels, so our attire doesn't affect me any.

When I step into the kitchen it hits me like bricks; until now, Jasper has been only missing in words, but I feel his whole presence gone out of the house, taking the vitality along with it. Damn him to the deepest pits of hell. I'm going to get through this week without moping, I swear on my life I will. If I have to go to jail I am going to live the way I want.

After swallowing some cereal and protein bar, I grab the keys to Jasper's truck. Big Red-the name of Jasper gigantic truck-is housed in the garage with his black Aston Martin. He doesn't use it anymore, and I'm kind of iffy on driving the thing since the only car I've driven barely made it to fifty. I climb into the monstrous truck and slide on my sunglasses and make way for town.

"You know there isn't a difference between white and optimum white." I look up to see a kind face smiling right back at me.

"Yes there is, one is whiter than the other." Ignoring the male I go back to studying the different whites, wondering which one Jasper would prefer. Knowing him he would probably just pick one and be done with it.

When a hand encloses mines I tense. "Get the plain white, you can't go wrong."

I pick up optimum and snatch my hands out of his to load up my cart. Without asking me the guy goes ahead and starts helping me. I pause, slightly irritated that the guy won't just bug off. Can't he tell I'm not in the mood? But when I go to say something smart he has a sweet smile on his face. It stops me right in my tracks. He cannot touch a vampire in the looks category, but there is something about him that attracts me. It might have something to do with his dimples or the way his full lips pucker when he smiles.

"I've overstepped, myself haven't I?"

I sigh. "No, its just the last guy who intruded into my life made me feel useless. I'm kind of getting into the habit of doing things for myself."

"Sounds like a jackass," the guy announces.

"Yeah, took me awhile to realize it," I smile at him before sticking my hand out. "My name is Isabella."

"Can I call you Bella?"

"No, never Bella." The guy nods and doesn't question it.

"I'm Watson." He shakes my hand. "Now since we are on friendlier terms, Isabella, can I take you out tonight?"

He is asking me out on a date. Is he nuts in the head? My jeans are ripped and my shirt is stained but he wants to take me out. Hell I was downright rude to the guy, yet he is asking me out on a date. I could turn him down, and I should, two weeks ago I was madly in love with a vampire. But that doesn't mean I need to stop living.

"Sure, here's my number." I recite my number before turning and pushing my cart of optimum white away.

Dating isn't trouble, at least I don't think so. But the last time I dated the guy told me he could read minds and I got a vampire tracker after me. Somehow I don't think Jasper would approve, but I approve, so fuck Jasper. Right?


	4. Buzz & Pokemon Beta'd By:CaramelApple74

**LM: So a long time no see.**

**SM: I don't like this chapter. This isn't my Bella.**

**LM: Of course it isn't. She is mines. Right down to her-**

**SM: Cartoon panties? Really, Luna? Cartoon.**

**LM: *shrugs* They're cute. **

**SM: *buries her head in her hands* Just get on with it. Nothing good will come from this. **

**LM: I'll spare you the score. Anywho let the show start. **

Watson. He is by no means an overly gorgeous guy. A nice person like Esme would say he is slightly above average. Alice would say he blends into the general public. And the infamous Rosalie would never even glance his way. To me, he is something new, a breath of fresh air. Probably because he isn't part of the supernatural.

My phone rings, bringing me out of my reverie. I stop rocking in my chair to reach down and pick up my phone. It's Jasper. I bite my lip and answer, knowing that I won't keep my activities from him. He's probably going to quiz me since he hasn't talked to me all day. Though he doesn't hover, I know he's kind of antsy about me being alone. Fucked up things kind of happen to me.

"Hey, Isa, how's your day been?" I grin despite the coming shit bomb about to explode.

"It's been a day. I got the paint."

He is silent. "Is there something wrong?"

"Why would you say that?"

"I don't know, maybe because your voice was hitched when you answered. And you didn't answer the question."

Fuck me. I take a deep breath. "It's been fine. I'm going on a date later."

"A what?" He curses before speaking again. "Did you just say you're going on a date?"

"Yes. A nice guy asked me out at the hardware store," I explain quietly. There's no sound coming from the other end. This isn't good.

"Isa, be safe." That's it? "Take your phone. Don't go in his car. Don't bring him to the house. And for fucks sake don't take off the fucking necklace."

"I can hide it in my shirt, right?"

"NO YOU CAN'T! You want to go out on a date? Fine. But you play by my rules. No questions asked. There are vampires in the city Bella, you're going to encounter them, and with your scent they will follow you. DON'T FUCKING HIDE THE NECKLACE!" I flinch from his tone.

I bite my lip. "Fine."

"No, Isa, I want your word."

"Jasper Fucklock, I give you my word to wear you fucking necklace. No matter how cavemanish it seems." What does he think I am, a child?

We continue the conversation but its tense. I can tell by his voice he isn't happy. To be honest, I didn't think he would be that upset over me dating, I mean he did say he wanted me to make my own choices. But it can be kind of a sticky situation when he decides to change me and I'm dating a human. He ends making up an excuse that he has to go finish helping his friends. I tell him to go fuck himself and hang up the phone.

Is it really that strange that I'm going on a date? I mean sure my only date was with a vampire and he pretty much stalked me at that. But it's the same concept. We talk, eat, talk some more and he tells me he has a supernatural ability. Okay so maybe its not the same. But its pretty much touch and go. Someone should really write a book about the do's and don'ts for dating.

I decide to start the project of sanding the porch. Mainly because I want to take out some of the pent up frustration I have towards Jasper. He can really get me riled up. Its not that I don't get the importance of the necklace, I really do, a part of me is even kind of honored. But it's kind of creepy wearing another man's symbol when I'm going out on a date.

My phone rings two hours later. I sigh knowing that it's not Jasper, so that leaves only one other person. By this time, the idea of a date has lost all its allure. But I did already agree.

"Hey, Watson," I answer pleasantly.

"How did you know it was me?"

I toss the sander in a bucket and settle down on the floor. "Not that many unknown numbers call my phone. So I took a wild guess. I guess I should play the number tonight. I might get lucky."

"Hey, go for it, as long as we are splitting the proceedings fifty-fifty, considering I'm the good luck charm," he chuckles a little at his joke. "But listen, how does dinner and a show sound?"

"A show? What are you, sixty?"

"No, I just liked the way it sounded. So is that a yes or a no?"

I could always say I have cramps. Girls can always pull that card to get out of doing things. And I'm tempted to do it, but he sounds so hopeful. He's the only human that has made a gesture to get to know me since Forks. I can't really brush him off.

"Can I wear a tee and some shorts?" I question, because that's all that I have in my closet. Jasper isn't really into shopping in person. And we don't have an internet connection yet.

"Sure. How about I pick you up around eight? I'll need your address."

Oh boy, Jasper and his damn rules. "How about you tell me the place we are eating at and I'll meet you there."

"Scared I'm going to take advantage of you?"

I chuckle. "Not in the least bit. You don't seem like that type of guy."

He tells me the name of the diner before hanging up. I have a smile on my face when he does. He's very humorous, and not irritating or nagging. He isn't Jasper, and that is a plus. I wince as I realize that its no longer Edward that others are in competition with, its Jasper. This is going to be a long companionship if I'm developing some type of hero worship for a jackass.

After spending another couple of hours doing the porch I drag myself into the house. It feels empty and huge in comparison to how it normally feels with Jasper here. But I'm quick to push that out of my mind in exchange for figuring out which shirt is decent enough for me to wear. There is that red shirt that clings to my body that I'm too self-conscious to wear around Jasper. It'll do with those dark wash skinny jeans and my black converses and my leather jacket.

After showering and dressing I'm ready to leave the house. As I'm skipping down the shiny stairs my phone dings. I pull it out my pocket and moan when I realize that it's a text from Jasper. I open it and curse him out immediately.

_Don't wear the SpongeBob panties, makes you seem like a dork._

Who in the fuck died and made him king of fashion? I scratch my head thinking of a reply that will piss him off superbly.

_Got nothing on your Toy Story boxers with the matching Buzz Lightyear slippers. Talk about kid much._

His reply is instantaneous.

_Is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse religious watcher talking? No? Good, because for a moment I swear I heard puberty late ass calling you._

I turn red. Just because my ass isn't as round as most does not mean I'm a late bloomer. Fuck him, he can go choke on the actor's dick in Brokeback Mountain.

_Fuck you, Casper!_

I shove my phone into my pocket and head to the truck. I ought to key the fucking thing, but that might bring unwanted attention, and god forbids I do anything to piss the royal Jasper the fuck off. He needs a good wake up call; he is not the king of the south. He can't just bark and expect someone to follow. I am not a damn lap dog.

When I get to the diner its five minutes till eight. I'm a sucker about being on time. Maybe it has to with having a father for a cop. I walk into the diner with my head held high, until I stumble over a miniature poodle whose fur has seen better days. I catch myself on the back of a booth, and when I look up I realized I've gained the attention of all the occupants of the diner. My blood rushes to my face as I hurry over to an amused Watson.

"You look lovely, Isabella." I frown taking in his button down shirt with clean jeans. With a quick glance at his shoes I know I've been tricked.

I take my seat before responding. "Its obvious our definition of shirt and shorts are completely different."

"Technically you're wearing pants," he points out, resting his arm on the table and attempting a smoldering look. "So maybe your definition isn't completely infallible."

I arch an eyebrow. He rubs me the wrong way. Me and my Pokémon boy shorts could have stayed at the house. Watson sighs before reaching over and capturing my hand within his. Wait a minute, when did he pass go and get the permission to touch me?

"Loosen up, Isabella," he coos.

I'm loose. I'm a wild cannon. What hell is he talking about? I'm the life of the fucking party. And this button shirt wearing guy isn't going to tell me any different.

"I'm looser than Paris Hilton's vaginal walls."

He laughs. "Prove it."

"Fine." Wait, did he just say what I think he said? "Excuse me?"

"That's what I thought. Look Isabella, you're hot, mysterious even. You got this whole unapproachable thing going on, but you're ridged. Once you let your hair down I bet you are a little vixen."

I narrow my eyes at him. Edward was ridged I'm a fucking party animal. "Okay, fuck you. And since you are such the expert, show me what you think a good time is."

He smiles then stands up. "Prepared to have your life rocked."

_Four hours, four beers, three shots, one martini, and some puff offs of a joint later…..._

Jasper is going to kill me.

I can't see straight.

Jasper is going to have a fucking cow.

Is the moon green?

Jasper is going to bend me over his knee and spank me.

I'm wasted.

Jasper is fuck hot.

I'm high.

Jasper will never find out.

This tattoo is permanent.

"How you holding up?" I wince as I see four of Watson's head. He looks amazing when I'm drunk. But I want my Jasper. My asshole, dickish roommate. I want my cinnamon waffle he makes. "Isabella? You good?"

"Ah, ah, mayweze, I don't know. Where are we?"

He settles down next to me. Am I in a chair? A booth maybe. To be honest I'm too fucked up to care. All I know is that I'm wasted to the point I barely know my fucking name.

"At a bar, you passed out after you jumped off the roof. You screamed something about 'To infinity and beyond', then you hurled yourself off." I groan and bury my head in my hands. "Lucky for you this place is only one story."

I nod my head. "I think I should go now."

"If you think that's what's best."

"I hurled myself off a roof. It's most definitely time I took my drunk ass home." I snap, feeling woozy and irritated that there is a fucking orange flamingo in the room that no one is doing anything about.

Watson is silent for a moment. "Who's Jasper?"

Wait what? "Um why?"

"Earlier you called him and he didn't answer. You cussed him out for five minutes then spent the next twenty minutes singing Adele to him on his answering machine."

Oh god, he's probably on his way home now. I'm most definitely not going to live this one down. I swallow back a whimper and stumble to my feet. Why am I so high up? Glancing down I notice that instead of my converses I'm wearing very high heels. Strange, I could've sworn Candy was dancing in these earlier at the gentleman's club we visited. Watson wraps an arm around my waist and leads me out. The bartender waves and I wink back.

We stumble out of the doors into an alleyway. Watson is a little handsy, but I'm too drunk to give a damn. We careen down the alley going from one side to another. We start singing the National anthem, he kisses me, and I push him. He kisses me again I respond in kind. Jasper floats to mind and I push him off.

"Stop," I whisper as his hand travels up my shirt. He continues and I know that this is why I shouldn't have fallen into his trap. The old me would have denied what's happening. The old me would think he's going to stop. The new me knows he's going to rape me and the new me is going to fight.

I start punching him. But he ends that quickly. Watson punches me in the gut then in the face. I wiggle in his restricting embrace before he slams me on the ground. The look in his eyes is cold and calculating. I've been played once again by charm and been too fucking nice. He bends down to kiss me and I take a bite at him. I latch onto his cheek and bite hard, taking a chunk out of him. Take that asshole.

"Wayne, is that you?" Watson pauses on top of me. I glare at him, ignoring the stricken look on his face.

He scampers to his feet and I curl into a ball as pain assaults me. Peeking up I see three men coming down the alleyway, and I get the idea they don't have friendly intent. Watson looks absolutely terrified. Who the hell is Wayne?

"What's up guys?" Watson responds in a shaky voice. "I was going to call you as soon as I got home."

The guys snicker but continue to walk forward. Deciding the best thing to do is to find cover, I crawl backwards next to the garbage can. One guy, yeah, I'll fight, four it's best I tuck my tail and bide my time. The only thing missing from this party is a vampire.

"Good thing we caught you here," one of the men say. "Where's our money Wayne?"

"I don't have it yet."

Another one of the men takes out an object that has Watson, or Wayne, as they are calling him, shaking. I strain my eyes to see what the fuss is all about and squeak in surprise. Luckily its not loud enough to draw attention to myself. It's a fucking gun. They have a goddamn gun. Oh boy.

"Let's try this again. Where is our money, Wayne?"

I bite my lip while mentally hoping they shoot his sorry ass. That will teach him to try and rape girls. Fucking scumbag. The guys start to circle Watson like he's the prey. Well, he is, and I know that he isn't coming out of this unscratched. I put a hand to my mouth as they start to beating him, not trusting myself to remain silent.

Finally, a short while after Watson stops moving, they quit. One of the guys spit on him, another takes a piss, and the other shits on him. That is not only rude but very degrading. But as I search my body to find a pity bone I realize I left them at home with my common sense. When they finish defiling Watson they walk away whistling.

I count to thirty before leaving my hiding spot. Not bothering to check on Wayne I limp my sore ass down the alley, hoping that I don't pass out. Maybe I'll go in shock, but I hope that it will wait till I get home. To Jasper and I's home. I want him to come back. As much as he gets on my everlasting nerves, he would comfort me. He would know I need him.

And then the waterworks start. Stupid Bella. I'm always thinking the best of people. I'm always wanting them to like me. I ignored my gut and gave him my number because I wanted to take a chance. And look where that got me. Almost raped and a witness of a possible murder. So much for staying out of trouble.

I thought I had matured enough in these past couple of weeks, but I was fooling myself. Sure I came to terms with some things, but a piece of me wanted to feel wanted. I mean, not like friendship wise, but like a woman. I wanted to feel sexy, womanly, alluring. Watson made me seem like I was beautiful even though he turned out to be a scumbag. Maybe this is the universe's way of saying that I'm only going to attract the worst kind of men. I wouldn't be surprised. Its not like I ever expected to marry and have children; I'm too plain for that. But this night wasn't a complete waste. Whether I'm a vampire or a human I'm going to live my life. Most likely as a vampire, considering once Jasper sees my body he's going to go ape shit gorilla on my ass.

"You smell absolutely divine." I groan and turn to see ruby eyes.

Oh fuck me.


	5. 1, 2, He's Coming for You

**SM: *crying* I can't believe you.**

**LM: *staring out the window* A powerful author has the ability to kill her characters off and hurt while doing it. An ordinary author plans a way not to kill them. I did what seemed realistic. Isa is unlucky and until she can defend herself she suffers like anyone else.**

**SM: This was wrong.**

**LM: I know. But it happens around the world. Isa will pick herself up and she will overcome this like so many others. She will grow from this.**

**SM: I guess this is another score for you huh?**

**LM: No Stephenie I took no pleasure from this. This is a stalemate. **

**(On a serious note, this chapter isn't sweet. There is a rape scene I'm going to get that out of the way. If you don't feel comfortable with it skip the section or the chapter, no hard feelings.)**

**Beta'd By: CaramelApple74**

I just can't catch a break. Like what is up with my blood? Is it mixed with ambrosia? Something isn't adding up. I totally get being a singer for Edward, but why do other vampires get off on my blood? If it wasn't so terrifying it would be annoying. Imagine at every chance you got a vampire is trying to drain you dry.

This vampire is patient. Or this might his technique to instill fear into his meals. Stare them down until they are begging for death. The human mind is a powerful thing and can dream up many different ways you are going to die. I wince as the vampire blinks as if he is just realizing where he is.

"I never had that happen." His voice is like silk, it has the allure of death. Dark, forbidden, yet entrancing.

I lick my cracked lips. "Never had what happen?"

"Someone's blood smeller better by the second." He is then stroking my face. "Tell me your name."

"That isn't a wise idea. You really shouldn't kill me; my master would be very angry," I tell him, pointing to the crest hanging on my neck. Jasper's damn crest better save me or I'm going to give him hell!

The vampire cocks his head to the side and examines the crest. His brow crinkles in confusion trying to determine the value of the piece. Watching his confusion, I realize what Jasper didn't count in; he didn't count on the fact that a vampire might not know his emotional ass!

"Well he shouldn't leave such a luscious pet such as you alone," he coos to me, fisting my hair. I whimper in pain as my knees buckle. "I love the sound you make. I think we could have a little fun before we end things. Then I can end your 'master'. Hell, my maker will kiss my ass for finding a delicious thing like you."

I shrink away from him. Watching him watch me I swear if I make it out of this thing Jasper isn't leaving without me for the next century. It seems like when I am on my own things are attracted to me. The things being supernatural buggers such as vampires and assholes that don't know the meaning of no. Me and my damn blood are the reason why I am going to die.

"Where do you live, sweets? I'd love to coat your room with your blood and my cum." What the blue fuck? Okay, I get he doesn't know the crest, but to do that would be like saying come kill me unknown vamp. And I'm pretty sure Jasper would slay him.

"I'm not taking you to my home," I tell him in a strong voice.

His face is mere centimeters from mine in the next instant. "Are you sure about that?"

I nod my head.

He giggles. The looney giggles! And I'm cuckoo for coco puffs for wearing cartoon panties? This world is backwards.

"My place it is." And with that I am in his arm flying through the city rooftops.

As I am shackled to the unknown vampire body I think over tonight. If there is an award for the most messed up night I would win all hands down. My body trembles a little, the part that still shakes in terror at everything that goes bump in the night. But there is the other part of me that accepts the fact that I am human and cannot take down a vampire. With that part I hold my trembling chin up a little bit. If I am going down then I am doing to go with dignity.

His 'home' is an, take a deep breath, abandoned warehouse. If the situation wasn't dire I would have rolled my eyes. You can't get more theatrical if you tried. He leaps through the window noiselessly before landing on the balls of his feet. Despite my current state of mind I cling to the vampire in fear of being tossed. He chuckles as he detangles me from around his neck. When I come to myself I jump a couple of feet away from him.

"Your fear does nothing but entice me," he informs me humorlessly. I curse myself but I can't just turn it off at the drop of a dime no matter how much I would benefit from it.

I look around hectically for something, anything, to kill myself with. I'm no fool; suicide would be the best option before this bastard gets to me. What he has in mind is a great deal more harmful than death, and what he is dealing out would unravel my brain. His eyes narrow and his nostrils flare, taking in the scent of the air.

"You can't escape, my love," he whispers into the vacant place. His voice bounces off the walls, echoing more than I wanted it to. I wince as I put pressure on my left ankle; I must have twisted it when I was struggling with Watson.

Mentally, I roll my eyes; of course I know that. Only an idiot would think they could outrun a vampire. I nod my head in agreement, wondering what his next move will be. As if he has Edward's power he is in front of me the next second, gripping my arms with enough force to crush them. I gasp as a wave of hot pain licks up my arms, going directly to my mind.

My captor throws me down on the ground before kneeling down between my legs. I try to advert the compromising situation by throwing my legs into the air, but he keeps them pinned to the side. With a flash of movement my shirt is shredded leaving me exposed to him with nothing on but a black bra.

"Don't, just don't. Drain me if you want, but please don't do this." My bottom lip trembles with suppressed emotion. I've been down this road once already this night. I couldn't survive if this happened again and he actually succeeds.

His silk tongue darts out to taste the nape of my neck. He draws his sharp teeth along my neck teasingly, before he begins to to suckle softly as I thrash around, hoping to somehow get him off. He groans as I thrust up, meeting his erection. I wince before going completely still. When his eyes flash up to look at me they are no longer red, but black with hunger and desire.

With a creepy grin he responds, "But I must."

My body ices over as my mind processes what he just said to me. He is going to take something from me that I won't be able to get back. Of all the fucked up shit that could happen, hell, that has happened, this has to be included. The demon rips my pants off my body. The fabric tears and causes some discomfort when its removed. He gazes down at my bruised body in delight.

"Cartoon panties?" He has a confused look on his face.

"Burn in hell, fuckface. I hope he rips you to shreds for this."

For a moment my captor looks scared. "Who?"

"Jasper."

He laughs out loud before he removes the remainder of my clothing. In the process I struggle against him, ending up with getting the shit beat out of me. I can tell he went through great pain not to kill me accidently, but that doesn't mean that the ending result is any less gruesome. I swear my body has swollen in some places I never thought it would.

I try to scamper away butt naked, but he just grabs my injured ankle and pulls me backwards. His smooth hands rub against my aching body softly before he positions himself between my legs. I try not to tense, knowing that what comes is going to be painful without this aiding it. Without any lubrication when he plunges into me I feel like I'm being shattered in half. I scream and curse anything to get him off, but he continues the movement. Dip in, slide back, dip in, and slide back. His movements get even faster and I believe he has forgotten that I am human.

I know something in me internally is damaged, I can feel the pain. Vaguely I am aware that I should still be fighting, protesting, but I'm numb, ice cold.

I'm coated in sweat when I resurface from the safety of my mind. But when I double check, well, when I actually accept what is going on I realize that it's not sweat, but blood. Sometime while he was assaulting me, he cut me to drink. I know he cut me because there is no burn of the change he plans to toy with me. Then suddenly his face looms in above me and I flinch, not actually feeling the need to scream anymore; I screamed enough already. His face is coated in my blood.

"You were divine, did you enjoy yourself as much as I did?" he questions as he strokes my ringlets. I spit in his face.

"No, I hated every moment."

His face darkens as if he didn't think it was possible for me not to enjoy it. His hand flies across my face with enough force to snap it to the other side and draw blood.

"I said did you enjoy it."

"And I said no."

This time it's a close fist that makes contact with my jaw.

"Did you enjoy yourself," he screams at me.

"Hell no."

Fist.

"No."

Smack.

"No."

Fist.

"No."

Smack.

"No."

Fist.

"No."

Smack.

"No."

Fist, fist, fist, fist, smack, slice, drink, rape.

When I resurface my surroundings are blurry. I have a pounding headache. Well there is no mistaking that this experience is a nightmare. I try to pull myself up, but my body protests, leaving me gasping and wailing in pain. I manage to toss my head to the side and see the bastard pacing around with a satisfied smirk on his face. I guess he did win. I am beaten, bloody, bruised internally and externally, and leaking his bodily fluids.

The demon stops in his tracks and cocks his head to the side, listening for something. I watch him curiously for a moment before fear dawns on me. He mentioned having a buddy earlier. Fear claws up my spine as another wave of terror flashes through me. He probably is as sick as this fuck right here.

A blurred figure flies through the window before appearing a couple feet away from the demon. From where I stand he does not look amused nor excited. In face, he looks absolutely sickened. I watch in interest, waiting on the moment he turns to me for another repeat of what went on earlier.

"What the fuck have you done," the man snarls, his body sinking into a crouch.

The demon looks slightly scared. "I got us dinner, a fucking siren at that."

What the hell is a siren? I glance from the newcomer to my captor curiously. By the way the newcomer is acting I do not believe that he is going to force himself onto me. At least I hope he does not. My body nor my mind could heal from another repeat. I highly doubt that I am going to get over this.

"How many times do I have to tell you if you are adamant about going after whomever you please at least have the decency not to play with your goddamn food." And then his next actions causes me to gasp in surprise; he backhands the living shit out of the demon.

The guy goes flying across the room. Satisfied with his handiwork the newcomer approaches me. I cringe in horror, but unimaginable pain keeps me rooted in spot. The guy is kind of thin and with a shaggy look going for him. His brown hair is stringy and has twigs in it, and his full lips are decorated by a goatee.

I whimper when the guy crouches down next to me. He goes to touch me, but I start muttering incoherently as a familiar iciness spreads over me.

"Shush, honey, I'm not going to hurt you." His voice is warm unlike his friend or whatever that other vampire is to him. "I was just going to push your hair out of your face."

"No, please don't, please don't touch me. He-he touched me."

The newbie nods. "I know, and he is going to pay for what he's done. What's your name, sweet pea? My name is Garrett, and I'm going to get you somewhere safe."

"I want to go home. I want my Jasper," I plead, searching his face for any hidden agenda. Right now I just want to be in the arms of that backwards hillbilly with his southern drawl. I want familiarity, safety.

A look crosses over Garrett's face and I stall. His red eyes trail down to the base of my neck before widening in horror. I'm no empath, but I can feel the terror pouring off of the vampire above me.

"You're the fucking God of War pet," he exclaims before looking over his shoulder at his companion. "You fucking idiot! Do you have any idea what you've done?"

The guy freezes. "No. She didn't tell me that."

Growling with hatred, I don't address the demon, but Garrett. "I told him I had a master. He knew but he didn't think. Now Jasper is going to rip him to shreds."

"Kill her, he won't know it was us," the demon urges.

"Us?" Garrett rises to his full height. "No, you. You acted alone in this one. I might be your leader, but this ends now. I'm taking her home and hopefully the Major will let me explain that I had no part in this."

Garrett leans down in scoops me into his arms. I whimper in pain but otherwise I am silent. By the time Garrett is leaping through the window I've passed out in pain. For some reason I know that he won't hurt me. Maybe because he recognized the crest he gained trust in my books.

I'm waking with a whole bunch of snarling and a sharp cry of pain. I feel gravity pulling me down before I'm whisked in someone's arms, and then the scent floods my system. Its my Casper Fucklock. My eyes blink open to see furious eyes staring down at me. I try to smile but I can't, instead I push my feelings of security, contentment, relief and happiness with finally being with him again towards him.

"I missed you too, darling," he says, bringing his forehead to mine. "Just so you know, I'll be buying you a dictionary so you can look up the word 'trouble'."

I frown. "I tried, but I'm a damn magnet."

Another howl of pain erupts from somewhere near us. Jasper frowns and look over my head to stare at something. And its then that I remember that I was in a different set of arms when I passed out. Those screams belong to Garrett.

"Jasper, he didn't do this. Garrett saved me. Don't hurt him, Jasper." My voice is slightly hysterical and it might have something to do with the fact that I'm no longer numb.

Jasper's head snaps down to me. "Then who did?"

"The major one was his companion."

"The major one?" he semi-shouts. I flinch and he instantly looks apologetic. "There were more than one?"

I nod my head. "Its been a long night, Jasper."

Jasper starts to speak, but he is interrupted by another male voice. I immediately start thrashing in his arms, fearing the worst. Jasper tries to calm me and I hear him say something, but I can't make out the words. All I know is that there is another male here, one I don't know and that could be a threat. His gift finally breaks through and I start to calm down some. Well, if breaking down into a sobbing mess on his chest is considered calm.

"Shh, Isa, Peter's not going to hurt you. He was the one who informed me something was wrong," Jasper reassures me.

Taking a deep breath, I peek from out from his chest and stare at the guy. He is slimmer than Jasper, but he comes across as dangerous, especially since his eyes keep scanning the area. Then his nose flares just like the demon and I feel my heart accelerate. My mind goes back to the warehouse, back to the rape and torture.

"You should get her home, Char will stay with her while we go get the scumbag," Is the last thing I hear before I fall back into pitch darkness.

To be honest, I half expected my dreams to be repeats of my nightmares. But they weren't; if possible, they were worse. I was with Edward. I was safe and protected, basically a butterfly in a glass jar. There but untouched. Because though I would be sort of safe with Edward, it would be way worse than being with Jasper. I may not be perfect or fixed, but I'm in a spot where I love myself. With Edward, I would be too focused on him. Trying to keep him interested. And that would be way worse than any torture. Living every day and not being myself would be a silent death every day.

I'm not going to be the same. When the demon entered me without permission he basically killed me, as melodramatic as it sounds. He shattered what was left of my rose tinted glasses. I won't be able to walk down the road without feeling like every male is staring at me, trying to think of different ways to rape or beat me. My outlook on my body has been destroyed. How fucked up am I that a vampire beat me unrecognizable before he fucks me?

"Isa, come back here, darling, come back from wherever you are going," I hear him and I know he must be feeling what I am. When did he get back?

Though I've been out, I felt another presence with me. I chalked up as the person referred to as Char. On the off chance that his Char is a male I forced myself to remain asleep. But Jasper is back now and he won't allow for me to give up. To remain in fucked up head.

"Since when are you such a pansy," I croak, blinking my eyes open.


	6. Call Me Crazy but I Want Enternity

**A/N: Hey guys! I told a lot of you that Isa wouldn't get changed anytime soon and I didn't lie...at that point of time I didn't have an idea that I would write it like this but it sorta kind of happened. I had to go with realistic. Not only was Isa injured that with Waston you have to keep in mind that she was raped for day and a half by vampire. This isn't Breaking Dawn the vampire didn't exercise fathomable control. Bella had internal bleed and other things. She would have died. Its that simple. I'm trying to go with realism. **

**Oh and no SM and LM banter today. They are still kind of mad at each other right now.**

**This was beta'd by CaramelApple74**

Jasper hasn't spoken a word to me since the whole calling him a pansy thing. The only interaction we've had has been him pushing a bowl of soup towards me; which I did not eat. He is still frowning about that now that I think on it. The soup in question is currently seated on the table next to his bed. I tap my swollen hand on the comforter as the seconds tick by.

Our little match is disturbed when Jasper tilts his head a little to the side, as if he is listening to something. It's then that my earlier thoughts come back of the vampire that sat with me and the male one I met while in Jasper's arms. My home has been infiltrated. I groan and shut my eyes, knowing that even when I open them again Jasper will still be seated on the foot of the bed, staring at me, and there are at least two other unknown vampires in my house. I am not amused.

There is a knock on the door and Jasper snarls before I hear an anguished cry that leaves me shaking in the bed. I cast Jasper I look to imply that I am not entertained by his display of force. It sends me back to the grimy floor and my useless pleas for help. Sensing where my mind is going, a sense of calm creeps up on me, but I push it away, sending a furious look at Jasper. He looks at me shocked.

"Did you just block my gift," he asks incredulously.

I blink. Did I? "Don't influence me."

Another person assert themselves into the conversation. "May we come in? It's kind of lonely out here by ourselves. The big bad rats might get us."

Jasper lowers his head into his hands as I stare at the door in shock, partially from the male voice, and the fact that they know of the escapade I had with the rat. He fucking told someone! I'm glad that Jasper is hiding, because if looks could kill be would be dead twice already.

But its not lost on me that the male wants to come into my room. Add onto the fact that Char wants entrance too than I am less inclined to say yes. One male, a very dominate one at that is enough, and I know I am in a weakened state though I don't particularly feel it.

"Well, darlin', can the asshole come in? He won't hurt you." I look into Jasper's ruby eyes with question. Never had I distrusted him, but in this moment I realize that with everything, my faith is on a uneven ground. "Darlin?"

I gulp and look back at the door. "Who is this Char? W-Will he cause problems?"

"Sweets, Char is a woman. You remember when I told you I had to go help a friend and his mate out of a tight fix?" I remember, but with everything that has happened I didn't put the two together. I nod in agreement though. "The male is Peter and Char is his Mate. They would no sooner hurt you then walk into their pyre."

My head snaps in the direction of the opening door. I grind my teeth in anger. "I never said you could come in, Peter."

I didn't raise my voice at all. But the iciness is enough even for a vampire to know I am not playing. I might not be able to take them on, but I do have a lighter and some hairspray lying around here. Peter might be a friend of Jasper's, but currently I couldn't give a damn. Either Jasper will tell them to keep their damn distance or I'm out of here.

"Isa," Jasper calls in a warning tone. My head snaps in his direction, and I glare at him with an intensity I never knew I had in me. Jasper seems uncomfortable with meeting my eyes for a long period of time before averting them.

"You. Look. At. Me," I enunciate, looking at Jasper pointedly . "Do I disgust you?"

"No," Jasper says stonily. I arch an eyebrow; this will be out in the open. I'm not walking around on eggshells. "Isa, you were beaten and raped by a vampire not even twelve hours ago. Your body is broken, and the only reason you don't feel it is because of the pain meds I have pumping through your system. If anything, I am angry I wasn't there to prevent it."

"Its not your fault." It's mine, I'm nothing but a trouble magnet. "Your crest saved me in the end."

"That's not enough."

I stare into his eyes with understanding. "I know." And then I look at the door. "You can come in."

A tall, yet lean male walks into the room slowly, something I appreciate. And I know by the way he keeps eye contact with me he's doing this for my benefit. He has short blond hair and the same color eyes Jasper has. That's where the resemblance ends. Where Jasper's body is built for a mixture of strength and speed, Peter is nothing but sleekness, screaming a predator. My stomach clenches as I notice his long fingers that could probably wrap around my neck. He has the same crest that Jasper has dangling around his neck, and I eye it curiously, wondering what he did to earn it. My eyes drift down to the woman on his arms. Char isn't short, but she isn't extremely tall either. I easily imagine her slanted red eyes as blue. Everything about her says feminine, but there is the same aura around her that says she isn't to be dismissed.

I feel like I've be doused in cold water; I am in a room filled with predators. They could kill me in a second if it was their wish. I'm completely at their mercy. This thought makes me want to fall back in the comfort of my mind and hide away. Everyone stares at me as I try not to sink back in the comfort of the icy confines of my brain.

"You stink," Peter comments.

"I'll burn you and laugh as you scream," I deadpanned before fingering my sheets.

The guy laughs and I peek up at him shyly. "I like her."

"Stop riling her up," Jasper snaps at Peter.

"Oh, like you're any better, Major." I look between the two with something I believe could be amusement. And it would be if it wasn't for the fact that I feel unattached to the situation.

I break their banter with a question. "How long do I have to be in this bed?"

No one says anything, and its then that I realize that since woken up, I haven't moved my legs. Not once. Nor have I felt them. I throw the sheets off in fear, but it only escalates when I try to move my bruised legs.

"Darlin, there is some damage to your spine," Jasper says, placing his hand on top of my lame leg. My breaths start to come in hard and fast. This can't be happening.

"W-what?"

"We think you're paralyzed, pumpkin," Charlotte says softly. I shake my head then look at Jasper begging for him to deny it.

"Isa-"

The bastard stole my legs. My virginity wasn't enough for him, so he had to go another route and take my freedom. Now the pain back at the warehouse make sense. My spine was damaged so I couldn't really move around. I close my eyes as a feeling of helplessness washes over me. I only wanted to go on a date, and now I am paralyzed.

"I hope you made him burn, Jasper," I bite out through my tight throat. "I hope he begged for mercy and you didn't give it to him."

Peter walks closer and I flinch once he is a three feet away. "The Major made him scream. He avenged you."

I nod my head, feeling calmer about the situation. My mind flickers back to Garrett, and I look at Jasper questioningly. He cocks his head to the side with a look that says 'I don't read minds'. I smile my first actual smile in days.

"Wanna tell me what has you smiling," Jasper drawls in that accent of his as he lazily strokes my calf. It has an intimate feel to it although I don't feel anything. It's his way of saying you might be broken but you are still complete to me.

"Garrett." Numerous snarls erupt in the room, and despite the calm feeling I had I start panicking. Jasper is beside me in an instant, stroking my hair and squeezing me softly. "I'm fine. I'm fine. You didn't kill him, did you?"

"No." Jasper's eyes blacken. "But I should have. The only thing that saved him was your confession. For his sake, I hope I don't lay eyes on him for a century."

"Jasper!"

He looks at me innocently. "What? Vampires can hold a grudge."

"So Woody, wanna explain the ink on your side?"

I turn red at Jasper's inquisitive look and Peter's smug face. For the love of all that's holy, why did he bring that up? To be honest, I had forgotten about the tattoo that cost a fortune, but I had no qualms about using Jasper's card to pay for it. I finger the sore tattoo and glance at Jasper.

"I thought it was funny. Plus I was smashed at the time, so..." Peter laughs along with an amused Jasper. "I honestly don't remember much."

"But why Woody and Buzz holding hands and guns with the other free ones?" Peter asks, looking very confused. I know my explanation is going to earn me a spot on Jasper's shit list for a minute.

"Well, Jasper has a man crush on Buzz that is borderline obsession. And Woody was his best friend that he didn't want in the beginning and was also a pain in the ass. So I thought it fit. The guns are because I wasn't getting a sappy tat without some amo. The till infinity is because our sparkly asses aren't going die anytime soon."

Jasper glowers at me when Peter starts laughing, sputtering something along the lines of 'this explains everything!' I laugh at Peter's contagious laugh and Char looking at Jasper, shaking her head. Jasper tries to get Peter to shut up, but Peter fires off something in Spanish that causes Jasper to stand and respond. By the way Char is laughing, Peter is bringing up something that doesn't amuse Jasper.

"Shut up, you idiot," Jasper snaps. He turns back to me. "Isa, I called a friend who's a doctor and he's going to patch you up til yo-"

"Change me," I whisper, cutting him off. I know I said that I wouldn't ask him, but things change. Having my legs taken away is something I cannot deal with. Rape maybe, but not being able to walk is something I cannot swallow, especially when I have a way out.

"Isa, now isn't the time. You were just raped," he says, rubbing my leg.

I look at his hand. "If I could I would kick you. Being raped won't change in two weeks or in two minutes. Jasper, please."

"Isa are you sure you still want this?" Peter asks, all humor gone.

"Yes, Peter I wa-" I'm cut off with Jasper's mouth on my neck.

* * *

They lied. The change doesn't hurt, it's like you die and you start to burn for the sins you are going to commit. As Jasper's venom enters my system I know that this isn't how he wanted this. I'm pretty sure he wanted me to heal, but he doesn't know I wouldn't heal. I would forever have that wound on me, it's just the manner of dealing with it. In time he will forgive himself just like in time I will learn to live with myself. But I know for a fact that I would've have been able to process being raped for only God knows how long, only to turn around and deal with the fact that I am paralyzed.

I feel as though my skin is being stripped off my body piece by piece, and then that part of me is being burned, but so is every part. Vaguely, I can hear a soothing voice trying to break through the barrier, but the only thing on my mind is the pain that's killing me. But how can I complain about something I asked, hell, begged for? Whatever someone imagines the pain of the change to be like, just multiply that by one hundred. There are no words to describe this. Maybe that's why they lie and say it 'hurts' because you cannot verbally explain this. If Jasper can replicate this feeling and inflict it on others, well, I would never want to be on his bad side.

When Garrett's companion raped me, Bella officially died along with Isabella. I hope that before Jasper changed me he realized that I was no longer Edward's or anyone else's, I was my own person, capable of making my own decisions. For the first time in a long time, other than deciding to go with Jasper and going on that horrid date, I have made my own choices.

There is something else that I have to decide on. One of the handful of times that Jasper and I actually talked, he told me when I was changing, as hard as it sounded, to focus on my memories if I wanted to keep the majority of them. He said that he believes it would help, but wasn't certain. Do I want to remember my past? Does it even matter? Yeah, the past matters, but not in the way most would assume. It matters because I don't want to become what I once was. I don't want to be Bella, I want to be who I am. I am Isa Whitlock.

_***Flashback***_

_I clutch Renee's hand harder as I watch the movie. Not out of fear, just that I know that she won't be able to sleep tonight. Maybe if she thinks I'm scared she will turn it off. Plus on the bright side, the electricity bill won't be too high; last month we barely made it. I sigh and scoot over closer to her when I hear her whimper. Sometimes it sucks having to mother your own mother._

_"Hey, kid, you okay?" I tilt my head back to stare at her innocently. Her eyes are wide in fear, but she is managing to appear cooler than she is. "You can go to your room if you want."_

_I puff out my chest. "No mom, I'm fine. I want to be with you."_

_We lapse into a chill silence. I know that there is something on her mind by the way she keeps playing with the hem of her shirt and bites on her bottom lip. Renee is a very complex person until you watch her carefully for a couple of hours, then she is an open book._

_"Bella, I know I suck at this." I look back at her confused. What is she on about? "Being a mother. I know you are too young to deal with half the shit I put you through. But I love you, never think I don't. Maybe when you are older you can comprehend the situation I and you father were in. He grew from it. Having you I mean, it made him mature. But me, I keep trying to live like I am eighteen and I am not. One day, Bella, I will make you proud of me. One day you can call me your mother without lying."_

* * *

_"Take me home!" I shout, tossing the fishing rod down. Charlie looks at me in shock. I know tiny me yelling at him whippe-te-doo._

_Charlie straightens up. "Young lady I think you need to calm down."_

_"No, I don't. Look Dad, I love you. I love spending the summer with you. I don't like spending the summer in the rain, fishing!"_

_Charlie scratches his head and look to Billy who shrugs and looks down at a napping Jake. With his black hair and almond eyes I know that Jake is going to look exactly like his father, only with his mother's softness. Returning my eyes to Charlie, I place my hands on my hips and demand for an answer._

_"If you hated fishing so much why didn't you say so?" he asks. My mouth flops open in shock. With Renee I have to fight with her for days for her to allow me to quit something I dislike. And if she is enjoying it than I am seriously out of luck._

_"Because I didn't think you would listen."_

_Charlie nods then kneels before me. "Bells, in life you have to make it known what you want. Its not going to give it to you a silver platter. And once you make it known, you seize it. If you want something, go after it. If you don't like something, make it known, honey. You don't answer to the world, it answers to you."_

_***End Flashback***_

I wish I could say that I came out of my memories because that's all I wanted to remember, but its not. I came out because the flames of hell got hotter. I can hear my heartbeat racing in my ears. Yelling doesn't ease the pain, it just makes it known that I am in pain. I want Jasper to know that I am fighting to come to him. The change isn't just turning into a vampire, it's your body fighting with the venom for control.

* * *

Jasper P.O.V.

We all looked at the whimpering girl on the bed. I don't regret biting her, but I wasn't going give her a time frame and have her fret over it. She has had to deal with too much. Being raped by a vampire is excruciating, but add in the fact that she was raped for a whole day. When Peter got the feeling that Bella was in trouble I didn't think, I finished burning the vampire at my feet and took off. It should have taken us a day and a half by running, but I am man enough to admit that I was afraid for Isa. Maybe she doesn't see it, but she had started getting stronger. Giving me shit for stuff that she would normally let slide. Putting me in my place, something that no one does. But Isa was still human, she was still a fucking siren.

A siren. I guess I am going to have to explain that when she wakes. There are only a few in the world whose blood calls to every vampire. Not always on the level of a singer, but enough to entice any vampire that is near her. Carlisle was on the path to figuring it out but wasn't quite there. And the only one I know that probably knew was that bitch, Alice. Vampire's don't normally turn sirens because that's dangerous. Imagine a vampire that could dazzle another vampire. She would be like a predator of vampires, her very essence would draw us near, a look into our eyes and smile and we could do her bidding. The only one I have encountered was Maria, and I know for a fact I would kill Isa again if she ever gets on that path.

"The fuck was that," Peter growls stalking towards me.

I shrug. "She wanted to be changed."

"So you bite her mid sentence? The fuck Major?" he shouts.

"Oh shut up, you're just mad you didn't see it coming," Charlotte huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. She is still kind of mad at him for sneaking up on Bella when we got her from Garrett.

"Honey, now isn't the time to be a snarky bitch," Peter says in a pacifying tone. Then he turns to me. "Why didn't your bitch ass tell us she was a fucking siren?"

"Didn't think it was important."

"You hear that babe? The fucker didn't think it was important." He turns and glares at me. He is toeing a line that I've killed people for. "It's going to be fucking important to the damn Volturi, and trust me, they will be hunting for her thanks to the damn Cullens. I have a feeling the bitch's going to do something that brings their wrath on our heads."

I study him for a moment, knowing that he speaks nothing but the truth. How can I fault something that saved Isa's life and mines on multiple times? Once Isa wakes we are moving. Never stay in one place too long, it will just attract unwanted attention. Isa will just have to reign in her newborn tendencies. Her's are going to be especially strong from recent events. My lip curls back as I remember taking the bastard apart.

The only thing coming from Isa right now is absolute terror. If I knew having Peter here would do this to her I would have asked him to hang back. The smell of dried blood burns my nose, and I glance down at Isa in wonderment; what has that bastard done to her?

**_*Flashback*_**

_"You should get her home, Char will stay with her while we go get the scumbag," Peter says, nodding his head as he watches Isa blackout._

_Char pops up in front of me, her hands outstretched for Isa. I am hesitant to give her Isa for some unknown reason. The beast in me is clawing at its cage, begging for blood and for Isa to be safe. Which one to do first? I stare at Char's open eyes, taking in the loyalty she is sending directly at me for reassurance. Char took down Garret for me, I know she can handle getting Isa to the house._

_"Break her and I will make you beg for death." Peter glares at me for the threat, but I meant it. She breaks Isa and she will rue the day that I trusted her enough with her._

_Once Isa's broken body is in Char's arms we take off. Garrett mumbled some directions earlier to an angry Char, but we don't really need them. Isa's scent is enough to guide us. It only takes us twenty minutes to get to the warehouse. Peter and I leap through one of the broken windows._

_Once inside, the smell of Bella's blood and someone's venom overwhelms my senses. Peter looks at me in fear, feeling the false calm I am sending out in place of absolute terror._

_"He's not far."_

_I blink my eyes open and growl. "Don't get in my way."_

_His scent is like a drug; the more I smell it the more I want it. It promises retribution for hurting something that belongs to me. It's been a long time since someone dared touch something of a Whitlocks. And the beast in me is ready to play. Soon, but not soon enough, Peter and I have overtaken the bastard. Peter takes off to cut off his path, but it won't be necessary. I don't plan on letting the fucker get far._

_By the time I am on his heels I know he knows its over. With one bound I am on his back, twisting him to the ground. We land with my knees in the center of his back and my hands ripping his arms off. I toss them aside before flipping the man over and punching him in the face. As he howls expletives I spit my venom into his open wounds, loving his cries of mercy._

_"Oh God, please help." He withers in pain beneath me._

_I smirk. "Request denied."_

_His eyes flash with fear before I use my nails to dig out his eyeball. He bucks against me, but I've restrained men stronger than him. Peter tosses me a lighter, and with his one good eye the man watches as I set fire to his eyeball. I laugh as his pain and fright wash over me. I soak it up, knowing that it will be awhile before I feel such raw undiluted pain as this._

_"I've been told that although the part is detached you are still able to feel it as it burns. Is that true? Can you feel your eye as it becomes nothing but ash?" He yells in agreement._

_Peter watches from the sidelines as I detach the man limb from limb and burn them separately. I don't take a break, never wanting to give him time to recoup. His screams become nothing but white noise in my head; I'm more interested in the things he's feeling. I know I am doing my job right when his pain keeps escalating._

_Finally, all we have left is the head when I finished burning the neck. And when I said I burned him piece by piece I meant it. He has no hair on his head. That was burnt. He has no ears, they were burnt also. He wept when I burnt his other eye. And it was kind of over the top when I tore his nose off his face and burned that, too. I burned fingers in three parts before detaching the palm from the wrist and burning that. But before we did all that, Peter and I took turns beating the shit out of him._

_"What's the slowest way to burn the head, Peter?" I ask, even though I already know the answer._

_He tips his head back and look at the stars. "You know he can't hear shit we're doing right now, right?"_

_"Yes, Eisenstein, but he can feel. Now what's the fastest way, protege?"_

_"Drain all venom then set fire, it should take around three hours to burn."_

_I get to my feet and toss Peter the head. "Burn the bitch so we can get to the house."_

**_*End Flashback*_**

All of watch as the venom finishes up on Bella. I suck in huge breath as her heart hammers away in her chest and how her body heaves up, fighting to keep breathing, and for a moment I fear that I didn't give her enough to make it. But then her heart stops.


	7. Wakey Wakey Baby Whitlock

**SM: Is it possible to hate you even more than I already do? **

**LM: I don't think you hate me. More like you are incredibly jealous. **

**SM: Jealous?! Don't forget Twilight is mines and I have movies, games, poster, and clothing. **

**LM: Have you seen the first movie? I wouldn't brag if I were you. **

**SM: Fuck you Luna.**

**LM: Sorry not interested. **

**SM: I bet your father is. **

**LM: Isn't that like against your religion? Wouldn't want to anger your deity if I were you. Anywho lets get this ball rolling. **

**Beta'd By: CaramelApple74**

It just stopped. My heart just stopped. I expected some pain with it, but to be honest, I was relieved when the pain left. For a moment I forget where I am and who I am with, but then the air changes and I sniff out three unidentified scents. My eyes fly open whilst I fly to an empty corner in the room to sink into a crouch and bare my teeth.

The looks on the vampire's faces range from shock to downright indifference. I, on the other hand, am prepared to fight. They are littered with scars and I know the only thing that scars is another of our kind. These vampires are dangerous. My hair falls forward and another snarl erupts from me. Damn hair, obscuring my vision.

"Isa, calm down and think about who we are." My eyes narrow onto the blond male with the Texan accent that wets panties. He seems familiar, but he is also dangerous.

A growl builds up in my chest. "Who in the sevens hell is Isa?"

"You darlin," he smirks as a confused expression falls on my face.

Think? What does he mean think? Doesn't he know that my mind is filled to the brink? I'm thinking of a dozen of things right now. Like the dust particles, the scent of the air, my hair texture and color, why I don't have any panties on, if my vagina will shimmer when I go into sunlight, and isn't sort of gay that we glitter like diamonds?

The woman huffs and crosses her arms, shooting a scathing look at the male who spoke. "What he means, is clear your mind and think about yourself."

I nod my head and try my hardest to clear my mind. And my mind kind of gives in that aspect, but then I am flooded with memories. My mind go through everything at lightening speed, and once I am done I find myself angry and saddened. Angry because there are so many holes in my memories, and saddened because of the demon. I relax out of my stance, but not before casting the silent Peter a suspicious look which makes him bark out a laughter.

I look at Jasper who nods. "I was raped?"

"Yes."

"You killed him?"

"Yes."

"My name is Isabella Swan?"

"No." I look to him startled, but I thought that's what I was called. "That person has ceased to exist. Your name is Isa Whitlock."

I smile at him before my eyes snap towards Peter.

"Welcome to the family, baby woody." And then the fucker is coming at me with his arms wide.

To be honest, I didn't think at all. One moment he was coming at me, the next I was thinking danger, then I was airborne, and now my teeth are sinking into his granite body, ripping off his arm while my hands work to rip off the other one. But then I am torn off of him and Char is crouched protectively in front of him. My body hits the wall and it crumbles, but I am on my feet before I fall out of the window, racing for Char again. But then Jasper has his arm around my waist, anchoring me to him. I buck against him, snarling at the offending couple.

As I wrestle with Jasper my mind kind of relaxes, and I notice how one of Peter's arms is across the room from where I tore it off with my mouth, and how the other is dangling half off. A clear liquid that smells exactly like him is dripping on the floor. I look back up at an astonished Peter sheepishly. Even I know that has to hurt.

"Char, you need to stop snarling at her," Jasper warns as he lets out a growl behind me. Why is he upset? I look back to Char and then decide if Jasper believes there is a reason to be angry then hell I will back him up.

Char's eyes are completely black, and she looks like she will attack at any moment. I haven't realized that I've also gone still. My stance speaks volumes; I dare her to attack.

"My. Mate." She struggles to get these words out, I can tell.

Jasper's arm tightens on my body. "Is a complete idiot, and, when you are thinking correctly, you will see that also. Isa hasn't even been awake for ten minutes and he was trying to approach her. When she was human the only person that could come close was me, and you honestly think that would have faded through the change?"

"She attacked!"

"Instinct, Char," Peter answers this time, tossing me a pained smile. "She is a baby, a traumatized baby. Of course she was going to take a bite out of me. I didn't think."

The room lapses into silence, but Jasper doesn't release me. Attacking Peter and trying to fight Char has something in me pumping. I have all this energy that needs to come out, the only thing tampering with it is the burning in my throat. Talk about aggravating, the burn is irritating to say the least.

"Can we bitch about this later? I'm starving," I announce. Peter shoots me a dirty look. "Hey, even you said it was instinct. I'm not apologizing."

"Char, put Peter together then go with him on a hunt somewhere far away so that we don't accidentally bump into each other," Jasper says, walking backwards. "I'm going to take Isa to hunt."

When I take a step back my feet dangle off the edge of the house. Char is fixing that! It took us too long to get this blasted house in tip top shape. I look up at Jasper questioningly. He stares back at me with no hidden emotions, and then it hits me. He knows! He knows somehow that I don't want to turn my back to Peter and Char, I don't trust them. I smile softly before sliding behind him and flipping out of the house backwards.

When my feet hit the ground Jasper is next to me. Not hovering, but just there. I look to him expectantly, but he just grins and points to the west. I smile and take off like a bullet. He follows close behind me, his scent letting me know that he is here when I need him. We dash across the floor, our feet never making a sound. Dodging branches without thinking, leaping over fallen trees like we are stepping over rocks. It's absolutely breathtaking and its over too soon.

Jasper captures my hand, pulling us to a stop. "We are coming close to the city." I nod my head impatiently. "I need for you to hold your breath until you grab someone and get isolated. Once you are sated we need to talk."

I nod and tug against his hand, pulling him in the direction of the city. He laughs then he pulls me into a tight embrace. My mind fogs with just his scent and I hug him back. This is like our first actual embrace.

"I'm glad I didn't lose you," he whispers against my hair. I purr in contentment, causing him to chuckle. "Let's get you something to eat, cupcake."

He takes off, taking me with him. I've told him about those horrid names! He laughs, feeling the irritation I'm sending him. Fucking empath. Following his directions, I hold my breath and wait as we get closer to the city. It's brilliant. All the different colors and how nothing ever sleeps. I send confusion towards Jasper, afraid to speak in case I smell anything.

"No, this isn't the city we live beside. This is Dallas, honey."

I nod, and we are taking off for the city. We weave around buildings, keeping close to the shadows even though its already dark. But I know why. I am in nothing but a white shirt of Jasper's. It makes sense; I mean, when I was human I was completely naked and broken, and this is the easiest thing to put me in.

I slow down when I hear a lady shouting. Peering around the corner, I see an addict begging for another hit. She goes as far as to get on her knees and try to unbuckle a guy's pants. The guy laughs and high fives his friend who is leaned against the wall. Taking a risk, I speak to Jasper.

"Can you knock out the lady?" He nods and the fire was ignited.

I take off, repeating in my head not to eat the lady. The men never knew what hit them. I punch once in the throat, silencing him before sinking my teeth into the dealer. As soon as the blood hits my mouth I know there is no way in hell I am going to be able to drink from animals just because. How the Cullens deny themselves this is beyond me. Too soon it's over, and then I am drinking from the dead guy. He has not been dead for long, and his blood is still warm.

Backing off the empty corpse, I wipe the blood off my mouth before sucking my fingers clean. Looking over my shoulder I see Jasper crouched in front of the human protectively. Her scent hits me like bricks, and though I am full the burn isn't sated.

"Isa, go!" I whine, holding my breath before going back the way we came. This time I stay on the roofs, not trusting myself to be on the ground.

Jasper finds me leaned against a tree, staring up at the sky. So much has happened in so little time. My mind is still trying to process it all. Jasper falls onto the ground, and he stretches his long body out lazily, looking up at the sky also. My human vision cannot touch my vampire one's. I can see the stars more clearly.

"Isa?"

Jasper's voice startles me. "Hmmm?"

"Why have I been feeling self loathing from you since the moment you woke?" I blanch at his question. He can feel that? Should have known.

It's not easy been raped. I feel as though my body is disgusting. My skin itches for a boiling shower, and I am tempted to torch myself to get rid of the memory of him on me. I hate the fact that the one act inspired so much self loathing. For him to still have so much control even after he's dead is mind blowing. Every time someone looks at me I feel like ants are crawling on my skin. I am a disgusting person, and I highly doubt changing into a vampire changed that.

"Isa!"

I flinch and send him some remorse; he shouldn't have to feel that. How do I describe self hatred? Can I tell him that in the back of my mind I have been replaying the rape since the moment my eyes snapped open? It's one of the reasons I was so quick to pounce on Peter. Though I knew he was going to hug me, on some level I also associated it with the demon crushing me to his body. I shiver and stand, wanting very much to outrun my thoughts.

"Because I hate myself. My body, everything," I whisper, wrapping my arms around my body.

I don't hear him approach, but I sense him. He lays a hand on my shoulder in comfort and I lean into it. Jasper wants answers to things that I can barely comprehend. Hell, I'm surprised I allow for him to get this close to me without freaking out. There is a bond between us that tells me I can trust him. It might be from him being my sire or the fact that we were friends, but I trust him.

"It wasn't your fault," he soothes.

I whirl around and poke him in the chest. "Yes, it was! It was my blood! It called to our kind like a freaking aphrodisiac. And while we are being honest, it was one of the reasons Edward stuck around for so long."

"Isa, I..." Jasper looks contrite for a moment. "Sit down. I have to tell you something."

Following his order, I settle on the ground and pick at the grass.

"You remember when we told you that you were Edward's singer?" I nod my head, not sure of where he was going with this. "Well, imagine something of that caliber toned down about forty percent."

I imagine it. "Where are you going with this?"

"That's how your blood smelt to others of my kind. Your blood was not as strong as a singer to everyone, but you called to everyone. " I frown at this new information. "You're what my kind calls a siren. No one knew, maybe Alice, you never know what that bitch knows, and I think Carlisle was about to figure it out."

"A siren?"

"Yes, Isa. And you've carried that over with you as a vampire."

I frown; there is one problem with that. "But I don't have any blood."

"You have a scent. The very smell of you makes us want to be closer. You could look us in the eye and make us do your bidding. You basically can dazzle vampire. Are you with me?"

"I don't like the sound of this."

Jasper sighs. "I know its a lot to take in, but there is more. Our kind normally don't turn sirens. One reason is because they are extremely rare; I have come across only one in my lifetime, and she abused the hell out of her power. I won't let you do that Isa, I will kill you before you ever get that corrupt."

It should bother me that he has no qualms about killing me, but it doesn't even faze me. If I can do half of the things he says I can then I would want to be put down. If he knew what would happen when he did this, why did he even risk changing me? Not that I am complaining.

"So being a siren is a dangerous thing?"

"Yes and no. It wouldn't be such a big of a deal if it wasn't for the Volturi. Aro and his brothers have been searching for a siren for the guard. But he doesn't want to force one to come. Plus, most sirens die before they are changed anyway; there is just too much temptation. Peter has a feeling that the Cullens are going to bring attention your way."

I'm on my feet in an instant, snarling. "What? Why? How?"

"Peter has a gift, more of a feeling, that tells him stuff, and unlike Alice his shit doesn't change. If he knows something it's the truth. He knew you were in trouble, and thats how I was able to reach you so fast."

"I guess I can't take a bite out of him anymore."

Jasper laughs. "No, sweet cheeks. We have to move. I don't want to chance staying in one place too long. Plus I need to figure out if you have a gift."

"Isn't being a siren a gift?"

"No, that is just you."

I frown. "What makes you think I have a gift?"

"You kept Edward out. And after you were raped you were able to push my gift away. No one can do that. No one. I believe you gift progressed when you were human, and I think it's more now. I just don't know what. As soon as I do we need to train you in it. I need you battle ready."

"Battle? Jasper, seriously?"

"Not taking any chances. Never underestimate the Volturi nor the Cullens."

This time our run doesn't have an urgency to it. We are just running, enjoying the feeling of being the highest ranked predator. Jasper thought it was funny to scare the deer. He would pop up in front of them and they would shit themselves before taking off. He wanted me to try, but somehow they always knew I was coming.

I was so caught up in my emotions that I didn't realize that Jasper had stopped. When I run into his back I mutter a curse and wiggle around him. And I see what has made him pause. His strong arm wraps around my body, sealing me to him. His chin rests on top of my head to keep me from thrashing. Police. Somehow we didn't hear them before, but we can definitely hear them now.

"They're here for you," Jasper announces sourly.

"No shit," I mutter, wanting to drain both of them. I buck against Jasper again, only succeeding in making him hold me tighter. Fucking old ass knows tricks. The wind carries the scent of vampires, and I growl before realizing it's Peter and Char. Jasper pinches me in the side and murmurs something about being nice. I watch the area Peter and Char appear from with rapt attention.

"Hey, Woody," Peter wiggles his finger in a girlish manner. Is he sure Char is his mate?

I shoot him the middle finger. "Fuck off."

"I rather fuck on. Tell her, Char." Char whacks him on the back of the head, causing me to giggle. "Fucking females."

"You guys mind watching Isa while I go talk to the cops?" Both Char and Peter looks uneasy.

I don't blame them. This entire time I have been trying my best to wiggle out of Jasper's hold. So fucking hungry! They smell absolutely divine, and I want to eat them up. It's like I never ate those two men. I let out a frustrated keening whine.

"Isa!" Jasper admonishes sharply. I snap my head back since he dropped his guard, catching him in the face, but that' s all he needs to snap.

This pisses him off. He snarls at me, weaving his hands into my hair and wrenching it to the side to expose my neck. This really sends me off the deep end. I start biting and kicking anything to get him off of me. And he strikes me back. All my motions are cut off when he places his mouth on my neck. I freeze in horror, panic building up in me. My chest heaves up and down as the memories come crashing back down. I dry heave even though I know nothing will come out, but Jasper just keeps him mouth on my neck, only applying the slightest of pressure.

I go limp in his arms, the scent of the cops not fazing me. I don't even realize I am making whimpering noises until Char puts her hands to her ears. If I was human I would be a crying a river right now. Jasper takes his teeth off my neck, his lips hovering over the spot before he straightens up. I guess he knew that if he kissed me for whatever reason I would have lost it.

He still has an insane grip on my hair. He brings his lips to my ear. "I won't tolerate insolence. You want to fight, I will fight you fair and square. But you will obey me. Cut this shit out. I am your sire, you answer to me. Now you are going to stay with Peter and Char, or I am going to rip your tiny legs off and hide them until I get back. Understood?"

"Yes."

"Yes what?" he demands.

"I don't know," I cry.

"Say Major."

I whimper. "Yes, Major."

When Jasper releases me I stumble away before falling down and crawling to a tree, pulling my knees up to my chest. Jasper casts me one final glance before moving away towards the house. My mind is still reeling from what happened. Am I mad? I don't know. Upset? Of course. Peter and Char move and I growl, pressing my back into the tree. Peter just looks at me sadly, but stations himself near just in case I do something stupid.

I hate my head. But it seems like I am in here a majority of the time. To say I am humiliated is saying the least. But more so is because I lost it. He was just showing me he was in charge, making me submit, but my rape is still fresh in my mind. And I feel like Jasper broke something I fought to keep. I didn't submit to the demon, but I submitted to him. Have I just gotten weaker with the change? The familiar iciness is coating my body, and I feel it seeping out of me. I haven't been acquainted with it since the rape. It was a sign that I wasn't letting him hurt me anymore, protecting myself.

"Oh, honey." Char moves towards me too fast, and the next thing I know she is airborne before she falls to the ground, unmoving. Peter flies to her side, but I have already lost interest. They can't hurt me, I won't let them. Jasper wants to fight, we will fight. I sink back into myself.

I don't know how much time has passed. Jasper and I were gone for a whole day. We came back around evening, and the sun was hidden in the clouds. But now it's dark. The only reason I know that is because something has drawn me out of my mind. His scent. I track Jasper's movement when he comes back in.

"I wouldn't do that," Peter speaks, casting me a cautious glance.

Jasper rocks on his heels. "And why not?"

"She has some protective bubble around her," he informs Jasper. "Right after you left she kept crying and muttering something about 'I hated every moment' and 'no' over and over. So Char was going to comfort her. Maybe she moved a little too fast, but next thing I know Char went flying through the air. Stayed on the ground for five minutes. When she was able to talk again she said she never been so cold. Isa froze her, Major."

Jasper turns towards me questioningly. "Isa?"

"You won't break me, Major, so you better kill me."


	8. Yield to Me

**LM: So Jasper has that whole, sexy dominate male thing going on right?**

**SM: I am not comfortable talking about this. **

**LM: No seriously you mean to tell me you wouldn't let the Major tap that?**

**SM:*sigh* No luna.**

**LM:Shhhhiiitttt the Major can do things to me. **

**Beta'd by: CaramelApple74**

The Major's eyes narrow onto me with an intensity that I dislike. I let loose a snarl, daring him to come closer. He wants to punish me, by all means, go ahead, but he will not humiliate me. There are some things I can stand for and there are others I cannot. My nose flares as he sinks down into a crouch, his teeth bared in warning. I arch forward too, awaiting his move. But then there is nothing. The Major relaxes and waves Peter and Char away. They protest, but he kills that with a look. I glower at him.

"Isa, honey, calm down," the Major says in a voice that is rough from trying to be soft.

I snort. "I am calm, Major."

A look crosses his face briefly at my words before it's a clean slate. The Major stalks forward, his gait measured and his senses alert. He stops walking before he settles down on the ground. We don't talk, though there is a lot to be said. I honestly don't know how to word what I am feeling. As the minutes have went by since I have woken, I feel as though I have made a major mistake.

"Isa, you don't have to call me that," he says finally, looking into my eyes. "I will always be Jasper to you."

"Unless you're in a pissy mood," I comment, not feeling the need to let him off the hook.

"I won't apologize for my behavior. You needed to realize I was in charge. It's a newborn thing; you were going to fight me at every turn because I hadn't established leadership in your eyes. As long as there wasn't a spoken leader, you would have felt the need to exercise control because you would have recognized that on some levels you are stronger. And I don't need that. We don't need that issue right now."

My fingers dig into the earth. "It's not about leadership! You needed to show me you were in charge, I get that. You get a free card with that one. But I will not be treated like a fucking dog, someone you put your mouth on to silence! I won't submit to you, Jasper."

"Isa-"

I shake my head. "I can't submit to you. My soul won't allow me. Maybe you're thick in the skull or whatever, but if I let you have that level of authority over me it means that I am weaker. I didn't submit when a vampire raped and beat me repeatedly, but I did when you placed your mouth on my neck? No, Jasper. You are going to have to figure something else out. I can't do that. It brought back every fucking memory of that experience. Even the ones I blocked out while it was happening. Did you know that the fucker raped me with random objects?"

Jasper has the decency to look ashamed. "Isa, I never wanted to make you relive that. It was never my objective."

I relax. "You're not going to kill me?"

On some level, I chalk it up to him being my sire. I don't want to displease him. Challenge him, yes, but have him angry at me, no. I want him to be proud of me. Saying that makes me sound like some little kid drawing a picture for their father. But there is something about Jasper that tells me I am safe. Even when he demeaned me earlier, I knew he wasn't going to rip my head off.

"No, Isa, c'mere," he beckons me over.

Not waiting on him to change his mind, I plop down into his lap. He chuckles as I snuggle up to him. His fingers starts combing through my haystack of hair. In this moment I am the most content since I have woken up. Not even eating can replace this feeling, it's in a different plane of comprehension.

"I know where you are coming from. It makes me sick knowing that I did that to you when I know how it feels to be dominated in that sense. I was sired for the Southern Vampire Wars." He lays his cheek on top of my head before continuing. "My sire was a siren like you. Her name was Maria, and she was an evil bitch. She did things to me before I was changed. She beat me, made me kill innocents, made me enjoy it. When she deemed that I was her bitch she changed me. Upon waking up, I had my first meal. A family of four that had been dead for a while. To the point that drinking their blood made me retch. Maria spent the next decades bending me to her wills, sucking me into doing her deeds. Claiming love when in actuality she only loved what I could do. Where I was a monster before, I had been transformed into something more demonic in nature. But then there was Peter. The best thing I changed before you. He fought beside me, but most importantly, he fought for me. Even with Char in the picture he tried to make me a better person. Not in the sense that I would give candy to kids, but in how I viewed myself. When I sent him off I didn't expect him to come back. But they did, and that ended a dark time for me."

My dead heart breaks for him, for the pain he is feeling and going through. He is still battling the shit she threw at him. He didn't just have to cope with what he was turning into, but what he was before she turned him. Our strongest memories are the most recent ones, that's why my rape will always be the most clear thing to me. His were of being turned into a psychopath.

"Jasper." I tilt my head back to see his face screwed up in pain. His eyes shut, the very refusal to look at me because of the power I have in common with that bitch.

I move so I am straddling his lap, my arms looping around his neck and my face snuggles against his chest. He might deny it, but he needs someone to be weak with in this moment. Peter and Char can't sympathize with him on this level because she didn't break them like she did him. I know this just by the way they carry themselves. But I have been broken and understand what he is going through. I plant kisses on his chest through his shirt, feeling the raised skin from vampire bites. His body finally starts responding to me and wakes up. The small whimper that was in the back of his throat is nothing but a soft purr as I break through his defenses.

"Isa, Isa, Isa," he chants my name in the most purest voice. I look up at him, my eyes wide with concern, but his face is nothing but serene. I did that. I brought him back from that dark place.

"Please, Jasper, look at me. Please." He needs to see that I am not her, and I need to see that I don't disgust him.

He finally drags his eyes to meet mine. He finally starts to breathe, and it comes out in pants. I smile upon realizing that he is back, he came back. Jasper rests his cool forehead against mine.

"Isa, we'll get through this, baby." And with that statement I melt in his arms.

We break apart in a few minutes, not in the slightest embarrassed. If anything, we are slightly closer. It would have been easy to give into anger, my natural instinct to fight and take. But we didn't, we hashed out some of the main issues. I am not naïve, even I can tell that there is a storm brewing. It might have something to do with me, but Jasper and our little coven will have a part in it, too. Because as much as the Volturi wants a siren, I am sure they want Jasper, one of the most feared fighters in the world. He might not get that, but with that background he has given me as we broke apart I know that any leader with common sense will want the experience that Jasper has.

I inch into the house cautiously. Peter and Char are seated in the living room. Char gives me a small smile which I return a little forcefully. I mean, can you blame me? Just being in the room with them is already setting me on the edge. In a way, I know I can trust them, but its just an inner part of me that cannot get over the fact that I trust too easily I could get hurt.

"Think too much and you might burst into flames," Peter says, winking at me. I look at him hard, though I don't think I am in too much danger from him. I don't think he will let go of me ripping off his limbs anytime soon.

"If it happens I will be sure to stand next to you, honey nut," I say, settling down into my loveseat next to the bay windows.

We lapse into a silence that isn't uncomfortable, we are just resting. I enjoy this time to get used to Peter and Char. I actually realize, though I don't trust them that much, I feel protective of them. It's like they are family. I am just waiting on my fucked psyche to catch up.

"So Alaska?" Peter says, pulling Char closer to him.

I look to Jasper questioningly. He is busy staring at the flames dancing in the fireplace. His face is blank like always, but he has an open air to him. Jasper looks to Peter, a soft smile that is completely out of character for him.

"Is that fear I sense, Peter?" Jasper teases, looking between the couple. "Of course it is, but is it for you or your mate?"

"Shut the fuck up, Major," Peter says sullenly.

Curious now that Char is glaring, I join the conversation. "Testy are we, candy cane? Spill. What's the story."

"Fucking succubus," he mutters under his breath.

Jasper laughs. "About fifty years ago I was spending the summer with Peter after Alice and I had a fight about her spending habits. Well, the Cullen's were visiting friends in Alaska, they have three sisters-"

"Who are very sexual in nature," Char adds bitterly.

"Anyways, Peter came to see me off. Char was off visiting friends," Jasper continues. "Well, Tanya was very attracted to Peter. When I said attracted, she caught me off guard to the point I projected in the next instant everyone was fucking. I was pissed at Alice, but I took her in the living room. When I came out of the fog, Peter was trying his best to fend Tanya off. He had lost his pants in the process. Needless to say, he hasn't been there since."

I laugh, imagining a woman getting this man down to his drawers. Peter scowls as my snorts turn into full fledged laughter, and he can't help but join in. How in the hell did a fucking captain in the army lose pants to a random vampire female?

"She has powers, man, I swear she does," Peter claims, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Yeah, well my foot is going to have powers going up her stank ass if she approaches you," Char clarifies, shrugging his arm off her shoulder. "Play with me Peter if you want to. Alaska will stink of venom once I finished fucking her up."

"I will help you, sissy," I tell Char.

Char looks surprised. "Does this mean you're going to stop attacking my man?"

"No, no I did not say that. I will try. Honest, I will, but my trust is pretty much shot." I see her offended look so I try to explain it. "You guys feel like family and I think of you as family. But I can't trust you yet."

The thing is that a part of me is scared. What if I trust and the only thing that I accomplish is to get hurt? I've been so hurt in my life. From my mother not taking proper care of me, to Charlie afraid to be near me, to Edward using me and leaving me, then being a pest to Jasper, and finally being raped. Hurt has been the only constant thing in my life, and now I am strong enough to stop it, only to welcome it. There is no secret that Jasper is a dominant male that has every intention to dominate me. Yet it doesn't scare me, I want to be dominated, and by Jasper. Not in the sexual way, its hard to describe, its like I am aching for him to go all macho man again; it makes me feel secure. It shows that he can protect me when the situation arises.

"Well, don't go biting my arms off again. I'll bite you back, ask Char." Char smacks Peter on the back of the head for his smart remark.

The beast in me senses the challenge and I growl in agreement. "Bite me if you dare, honey nut, I can be a cold hard bitch when necessary."

"Not funny." Char leaps up shouting, her lips twisting down in a frown. Okay, maybe it was too early for that joke, but in my defense I wasn't aiming to harm her.

"Seriously what was that?" Peter's brows mash together as he studies the contours of my face. If I was still human, my previous alabaster skin would have turned red. Not necessarily out of embarrassment, but just from the attention alone.

"I have no clue." Once the words are spoken it's highly difficult for my body to remain still. The words aren't a lie; I have no idea what happened, but I do have an idea of where I came from. It's not hard to imagine.

Jasper lets outs a sharp breath. "Isa, withholding information is grounds for punishment."

"What is with you and punishing me?" Peter snickers. "Just because you get off from getting your ass kicked doesn't mean the rest of us do."

"You have no idea, Woody."

"I don't want an idea." Jasper cocks an eyebrow. "What! Aren't we going to Alaska? You'll get your answers there. Enough of this family time."

When I go to stand Jasper growls and points to the chair. "Sit."

"WE. ARE. NOT. DOING. THAT. AGAIN." My hands fist the ratty shirt that is covering my body.

"You won't disobey me." Silence. No one pretends to breathe as Jasper stares at me.

Vampires can't get headaches, but I swear I have one. On top of that I want to hunt again, and I wonder if taking a shower right now would soothe my nerves, as I am thinking about how my last human meal was in some ratty diner. Whilst that is on my mind, I wonder if Jasper knows that he has blood on the bottom of his shirt. God, vampire minds are too huge to even think about. So while all of that is on my mind, the words Jasper said are rolling through my head.

"Disobeying and disagreeing are two different things." Rolling my eyes, I move towards to doorway, only to stop upon Jasper's cold voice.

Jasper is on his feet, staring at me in a second. "I told you I wouldn't make you submit. But I never said anything about yielding."

"Yielding?"

"Aw, shit, time for Peter and Char to go play doctor. Char, you're the doc this time." Char huffs when Peter pulls her to her feet and out the room, but before I catch the ending sentence. "It burns when I pee and the medicine is in your saliva, Doctor Whitlock you gotta help me."

"It's something I made up in the SVW's for the vampires. Males never like submitting to other males. So I developed yielding. It was a fight till someone gained the upper hand, enough to the point the other person wasn't left with a choice but to yield. You still can say you hate it, whatever, but you consent to following."

I bite my lip and glare at Jasper behind my auburn hair. "You just wanna fight me."

"Of course, love muffin. I wanna see what kind of potential claws the kitten is hiding." I'm not going to lie, I was absolute putty in his hands when he said love muffin. What the fuck is going on with me? Seriously, sorting out my feelings is going to be stressful.

While I am debating with myself, my body is thrown through the wall of the house. My fucking house! My anger bubbles up and up till the thought of combustion isn't far away. What was he thinking? No, one time, I get it; I was a sniveling little bitch. But there is no excuse for this.

"What the fuck was that?" I shout, earning a smirk from him as he balances on a stray piece of debris.

Jasper picks the lint off his chest. "That, my dear, I do believe was a 'bitch slap' as the humans call it. Would you like for me to refresh your memory?"

The snarl that rips out of my mouth fills the night air with promises of pain. Jasper quirks an eyebrow, allowing his pleasure at the turn of events to flood towards me. Fuck him! I roll the non existent kink out of my neck while I pace back and forth. Jasper stalks towards me silently, his eyes tracking my movement. As our eyes connect I know that his onyx eyes mirror mine.

Jasper's like water, his movement flows. There is no stutter or sign that he is going to change movement. As repetitive as it sounds, he just...flows. One second he is slinking towards me, allowing me to soak in being the prey, then the next he is centimeters from me. Shrieking, I bend, contorting my body at an odd angle before propelling myself up and over his agile body. When my feet touch the ground Jasper is already there, yanking my wrist backwards. I growl before snapping at him, throwing my heel into his groin. The yowl of pain gives me enough time to think of my next move, seeing as how Jasper hasn't loosened his grip. I snap my head back into his chest before dipping my body underneath my captured arm. The sickening crunch flips my stomach, but it gives me the space I need. Jasper's eyes are widened in shock at the maneuver, only to narrowig when my foot collides with his chest. He flies backwards, releasing my arm.

It would be foolish move to take my eyes off of Jasper, especially when he is in this element. So as erotic as it might sound to some, I keep my eyes connected with his as I twist my useless arm back in the proper placement, only letting out a slight whimper. Jasper races towards me, but this time I don't wait for the attack, luck was on my side the last time. This time I flee like the inexperienced coward I am. Jasper's lean fingers wrap in the tangle mess that is my hair, throwing me backwards. I flip back on my feet, sliding through the gap between his legs before he charges towards me. Jasper is already facing my direction when I ease up. His fist flies towards my face, and I barely have time to dodge before I am receiving a blow to my abdomen. Jasper doesn't let up, soon after his knee is slamming into my chest. Fuck, should that still wind me? I mean, I don't have a heart...well, at least a beating heart. I don't know what happens next, it's all a blur of movements and my mind tries to keep up, but I am not skilled enough to keep up with him and defend at the same time.

With my face in the dirt and Jasper's knee in my spine, I snarl in fury. He has both my arms yanked behind me and at a moments notice he can rip them out.

"Yield?" Jasper asks.

I growl and squirm. "Fuck off!"

"Isa, we can stay out here for days," Jasper warns.

"I. Am. Not. Yielding."

Jasper increases the pressure on my arms. "Don't push me!"

"You rip off my arms, Casper, and I will fuck you sevens ways to hell!"

Jasper sighs. "So it's the hard way then."

And he rips off my arms. I scream out in pain. Jasper's remorse leaks out before he wraps it up. Never in a million years did I think that it would hurt this much. It really hurts. Jasper better pray that I am too busy to get him back for this. My damn arms. OUCH!

"Yield?"

My fury bubbles. "Hell to the fucking no!"

"I got all night."

Next Day...

The sun beams down on my body, casting rainbows everywhere. I groan and shift uncomfortably under Jasper. He is still straddling my back and talking shit. Apparently, sitting on someone drains your energy more than having your arms ripped off and your venom leak out of your body.

"Jasper, it's the middle of the day, let me go," I snap at him, not finding this the least bit hilarious. There have been so many insects crawling over me that I don't think a shower will get me clean.

"Yield, damn you."

I sigh. We are going to be out here for another day. With the sun beaming down on our sparkly asses. With that statement said I realized that I have yet to see myself in the mirror.

"Hey Casper, do I look any different?

There is a pregnant pause. "No, you're still fugly. And if you don't know what that means, it means fucking ugly."

"You motherfucker," I snarl. "Just because you don't want to get off your lazy ass doesn't mean you can take it out on me."

"Hush, darling, I like you better when you aren't talking."

Did he just tell me to shut up? This is going to be a long day.

Two Days later...

"Get off of me," I whisper, not having the energy for anything else. The rain pelts down on my head, plastering the ridiculously thick down on my head.

"Do you miss Edward?"

I pause; what in the hell? "Casper, that has nothing to do with the current situation."

"You're not going to yield anytime soon, so I am not wasting my time. So back to the question. Do you miss Edward?"

Thinking on the question brings up things. "My memories of the times we spent together are hazy. I know he loved me. Well, I thought he did. I kind of remember the events afterward. There is no aching in my chest. I don't feel anything towards him but annoyance. He used me and I allowed it. It won't happen again. But to answer your question, I don't miss being his pet. And, I realize that's exactly what I was."

Seven Days later...

It has been 168 hours, 10,080 minutes and 604, 800 seconds. Seven fucking days. I don't have my arms or one of my legs. Jasper is going to hunt with one eye open for the rest of my existence. Even though I feel like screaming, I don't have the energy to. Basically all my venom has leaked out. I have no energy to do anything.

There is far away stomping. "Okay, cut this shit out."

"Go away," Jasper says tiredly.

"Fuck major, she is a baby! One that is giving you hell, but a baby nevertheless." Peter is huffing right now and I know he is angry. My little honey nut.

Jasper hand combs through my hair. "She won't yield."

"Why? Anyone else will? Why not her?" Jasper sounds frustrated.

When Peter speaks I am barely lucid. And he sounds very tired, yet happy. "Because she is your equal, Major. That shrimp of a woman who is beneath you is the only one on this earth who can take you on. She. Is. Yours."


	9. Petey and Isa Beta'd by CaramelApple74

If I can say one thing about what is left of the house, Jasper did a fuck awesome job of the bathroom. It's my oasis. Currently where I'm holed up escaping from the 'family', especially Jasper. That one is a lot of work. Add on to the fact that I'm his mate, well, that's a whole different can of worms. I'm not ready to be anyone's mate. Hell, I can't even make myself look in the mirror yet.

The water ripples around me as I bring my knees to my chest. Right now it feels like to stay together I have to physically keep myself in place. One minute, it was about yielding and proving to myself that I'm not weak. Then I'm learning that I'm Jasper's. I'm not daft, I know that meant mate. I'm the Major's mate. That's enough to make me want to crawl under a rock and die. But no, the stinging in my chest makes that unachievable.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Come in, Char," I whisper, knowing that she can hear me. Hell, I have heard Peter and Jasper have it out on the lawn. If it wasn't for Char whisking me away while Jasper and Peter had words I would probably still be out there.

Char waves as I smile thinly. She had bagged blood waiting for me on the inside. She watched me as I shook and gagged upon downing the blood. How I whimpered in pain, as the Major fought with Peter to get to me. I didn't like it, how I went from fighting him to not wanting to hear his attempts to get me. I hate now that I know the bond we share is there, making life difficult. This isn't how it was supposed to be.

"How you doing?" She chuckles when she gets water on her red tank from my splash.

I lean my head against the rim. "Awful. And you want to know what is more awful. I'm tied in knots knowing that my pain is making Jasper in pain."

"Muffin.," she stops I can hear the hesitancy in her voice. She doesn't know what to say or how to say what she is thinking. "I should say fuck and solidify the bond, so it won't be so difficult. But you need to deal with your shit before you can deal with the mating shit. The same goes for Jasper."

"He had Alice." I'm surprised at how angry I am with her. "He spent years with her, only to find out that she was using him. I was with Edward, who made me into a puppet. Neither one of us needs this. We don't need each other."

"Do you honestly believe that with all the shit you've been through that you don't need him? That you don't need Jasper? Your mate?" I shrug, ignoring the pain in my chest. "Newsflash, Isa, you do. He is the only who can get near you, that can touch you, the only one you respond to. And you know you need him and that scares you. I get it. But don't you dare say you don't need him."

I shake my head, trying to deny what I admitted on that road when we were traveling.

_I let out a strangled sob and whirled around to seek shelter away from Jasper's judging eyes. But I don't get far. He catches me and refuses to let me wander farther._

_"C'mon Bella, seriously," he protests._

_"I'm sorry Jasper that I can't erase the pain. I'm sorry!" I wail and he takes an automatic step backwards. "Didn't it hurt when Alice left? Can't you feel her absence? Tell me you feel something. I know I'm not in this alone. Damnit Jasper, can't you allow yourself to feel your own emotions?"_

_"Get in the car, Bella."_

_I shake my head._

_"Stop bein' difficult!" he shouts at me with a wild look in his eyes._

_"Not until you tell me you feel it also. It hurts, doesn't it! It hurts that she is gone! Admit it, damn you Jasper, you can feel!"_

_The next moment he is in front of me. He lifts me until I'm eye to eye with him. His black eyes drill into me, stripping me of any thought that I can take him head on. They remind me of my place._

_"I'm not scared of you," I whisper, placing my hand on his cold cheek._

_He shudders at the contact. "It hurts. I can feel too, Bella. But unlike you I can admit something that you can't. Alice wasn't my mate. There isn't a knot in my chest in her absence. If she died, I could still go on. So yeah it hurt, the bitch played me like a fiddle. But I'm not devastated because she wasn't my other half. So face it Bella, Edward wasn't your mate. He wasn't the Carlisle to your Esme. So no I'm not sympathetic to your sniveling because you're so much better than this."_

_"What did Alice do to you?" I whisper._

_He lets out a dark chuckle before putting me down on the ground. As he turns to leave he replies, "The most un-Alice like thing, she admitted to her faults. She used me. Just like my creator. My salvation was just like my creator."_

_I know this isn't meant for me to comment on, so I don't. Once we get back into the car, Jasper stays still for a minute before starting the car. I believe he just realized the same thing I did. He needs me as much as I need him. Sure, I came into this to get something from him. But we are in this together. Or until he gets tired of me, that's how it normally goes._

Or what I knew in the warehouse.

_"I want to go home. I want my Jasper," I plead, searching his face for any hidden agenda. Right now, I just want to be in the arms of that backwards hillbilly with his southern drawl. I want familiarity, safety._

It wasn't supposed to go this way. It was supposed to be about being strong. And now it is about us. I shake my head. As much as it hurts I can't accept this bond right now. The very thought of being intimate with anyone chills me. No, Char is right; I need to focus on myself before I can deal with what is between Jasper and I.

"When do we leave for Alaska?" I pause, running my hand through my knotted hair and look at Char. She is staring at me with unmasked emotion. I gulp. Here goes nothing. "You want to help with my hair?"

She nods then sinks down next to the tub and approaches me slowly. I tense, waiting for her hands on my body. No one has touched me but Jasper, and that thought only set me on the edge. What if she uses this opportunity to get back at me?What if this is a charade? But my musing is cut off when Char's gentle fingers begin to work through the knotted mess.

We lapse into a friendly silence. She tries to get my hair untangled while I scrub my body severely. My hopes are killed. I thought I could wash the rape away, but I can't. It's still there when I close my eyes, I can still see it. In the back of my head it is still on repeat. But I can acknowledge that it's in the past, he can no longer hurt me.

"Isa," Char says in a tone that makes me realize she has been trying to get my attention.

"Hmm?"

"I was saying that we are going to leave for Alaska as soon as you are ready."

Alaska. I roll the name off of my tongue. For some reason something in me doesn't want to go. Going there feels like we are setting the ball rolling. And for the first time since waking up, I fear that something can touch us. That the Major might have found a match in the upcoming battle. Yes, battle, everything in me knows that it is coming.

"How do you feel about having Peter in Alaska?"

Char bites her lip nervously, glancing back at the closed door. "I know that he didn't mean for it to happen. But I am his mate, how did that thing get his pants off?"

"I don't know. But I do know that she won't try that again." I can feel the cold glint appear in my eye. "Especially since you got back up."

Char smiles and pats my head. "All done, Woody. We'll wait for you downstairs."

My forced smile vanishes as soon as the door shuts. I lean my head against the edge of the tub. I hate feeling nervous, especially for my army family. If there is anyone who can face a war it would be them. I know they could take it head on. My stomach churns. It is only me who is the weak link. I'm the one who can't fight hand to hand. But that is going to change.

I slip out of the tub and dry my body off quickly. Letting the water out, I gather my discarded clothing and turn to leave, only to stop in front of the mirror. Disgust, wonder, and shame hits me head on. I squeeze my eye shut, forcing the image of me out of my mind. I whimper and stumble back, not daring to open my eyes. The door is blown open and arms circle around me. I pant for breath once in his arms. He doesn't try to force new emotions on me, him alone calms me...like always. How in the hell did we miss this?

"Isa, open your eyes," Jasper tells me softly.

"No." My body rejects the idea automatically.

He sighs and I feel his chin rest on top of my head. "Isa, your greatest weakness is yourself. Just open your eyes and soak in everything, stop cutting yourself off."

"I'm scared." But feeling his hard muscles molded to my body gives me a strength that cannot be ignored.

"Darling, you don't gotta be 'fraid anymore. I'll always be next to you."

"Promise?"

"Promise." My eyes snap open at his oath.

My scarlet eyes are the first thing that gains my attention. They hold my attention. Sure, I always knew that they would be red, but now I know they will always be this color. Never that hypnotic honey color that the Cullens have. But my eyes are different, thats what keeps me locked in place. The unbelievable huge doe eyes framed by even more ridiculous long eyelashes hold a certain power to them. It's like they are alive. They swirl with power and strength and me. They are the eyes of siren.

"Amazing right? The first time you opened them I realized I never knew beauty. Then I got scared, mainly because of the siren, and secondly I knew that I wouldn't refuse you anything." I chuckle at this huge guy admitting it scared him that I had him wrapped around my finger.

Then it hits me. "If I am your mate Jasper, how will you kill me if I get out of control?"

"I will walk both of us into our pyre, there is no life without you." My eyes snap to his in the mirror. The complete honesty in them reassure me, my greatest fear once knowing that I was a siren was harming Jasper.

His hands wrap on my shoulders, "Thanks, Casper."

"Isa, look at yourself," he commands softly. "Please."

So I do, because I want to know how I look. My facial appearance is different; I guess the vampire did more physical damage than I thought. My once oval shaped face is heart shaped, above a softly curved chin are full, pouty lips stained a blood red. My button nose blends in with the soft features of my face. My once slightly large eyes have gotten bigger, not frighteningly so, but definitely larger than human standards. Jasper brushes my hair back from my ears that curve into the dainty curve of my neck.

"He deformed me, didn't he?" I say softly.

Jasper nods. "The only reason you were slightly coherent when you woke was because I had you pumped full of morphine. I'm surprised I didn't OD you."

Alice loved my brown hair, she use to spend hours just brushing it and styling, only to take it out and start over again. It use to be a dull brown, now it's a rich chestnut color with red highlights, and curly. I mean I had curly hair, but it wasn't like this. It's impossibly thick and each curl is defined. I reach up and pull a single curl and grin when it springs back into shape. I frown, noticing how it went from shoulder blade length to the small of my back.

"I need a haircut."

Jasper runs his hand through my hair. " I like it. It billows in the wind."

"Of course you do. You probably think of Xena the Warrior Goddess or some shit."

"You said it, not me." He wiggles his eyebrows.

"Shut up, honey nut!" I yell, knowing that Peter can hear me if I can hear his choked chortles. "You're pissed because Char didn't want to play Doctor with you!"

My eyes snap to Jasper's as his fingers trace underneath my breast. Not touching, but enough to set me on fire. When you burn, is it supposed to feel like you are looking over a cliff about to jump?

"Your tits are bigger." I arch an eyebrow. "Probably a DD. Yeah, a DD."

If I could turn red. "Are you feeling me up?"

"Not at all." He drops his hands so that they rest on my hips. "You know it doesn't make a difference right?"

"What?"

"Your body. You're still you, just a lot more durable." He plants a kiss on top of my head before disappearing out the door. "We're waiting for you downstairs."

This is a test. But I know that if I don't pass that they won't hold it against me. I don't expect for them to hold my hand nor coddle me. It's understood that we stand together and fall together. Bringing my eyes from the floor, I look into the mirror at my image. This is me. I was the girl Edward didn't want. I was the girl that was raped. But what matters is that I am Isa fucking Whitlock.

My independence is short lived when I have to call Char to help me get dressed. Apparently, being a newborn vampire requires me to treat my clothes a little more daintily. I was on my last pair of panties when I screamed for Char, despite Peter's wisecracks. Char eyes widened when she took in the panties, pants, and shirt that lay ruined on the floor.

"What, no bra?" she had asked.

I frowned. "I was a B cup."

Now, as I descend the stairs to the living room, I smile. The bath and having clothes on have done wonders for my attitude. The aggressive part of me isn't at the forefront of my mind. I peek around the corner into the living and find my family lounging around. I walk in quietly and take my seat by the unfinished fireplace.

Jasper breaks the silence."So about Alask-"

"No, you and Isa need to handle your shit," Peter says interrupting him. There is a sharp intake of breath and a wailing noise before it's silent. "Okay, point taken. Shutting up now."

I crane my head to look at Jasper questioningly. "What?"

"You're my mate," Jasper looks at me intently.

"Uh, yeah, that was already established."

He rakes a hand through his perfect hair. "Isa, we need to figure out where we stand."

"Together, the same as it been since we left Forks." My fingers tap on the wooden floor as I continue. "Jasper, I need to fight my demons. I can't be what you need nor can you be what I need until we figure out what exactly we want from each other. And we can't figure that out until we figure ourselves out. And frankly, we need to know each other better."

He nods. "I don't expect any less. I need time to come to terms with this."

We nod our heads before turning to face Peter and Char's gaping forms. I arch a perfect eyebrow at them. What the hell is wrong with them?

"That's it?" Char demands.

Peter shakes his head. "You've been fucking fighting since the beginning and this is it? What about your arms, Isa? Beat his ass."

Char whacks Peter on the back of the head. "Shut the fuck up for once!"

"Oh, I haven't forgotten about my arms." I smile at Peter and he cowers into Char's side. "Revenge is best served cold, after all."

"What does that mean?" Jasper demands.

Chuckling evilly. "It means I wouldn't trust a sugar smile anytime soon."

"Women! Momma told me to stay away from 'em," Jasper mutters under his breath. "Anyways, Alaska. We are going there to figure out what Isa's gift is. They don't know we are coming. Mainly because I don't want to alert the Cullens."

"What happens when we get there?" Char asks.

"The family owes me one, so this will be repayment. I don't expect their loyalty, but I know that they won't dishonor their name by refusing my terms," Jasper tells us.

I bite my lip, nervousness clawing at my stomach. Jasper looks down at me expectantly. I sigh; right, no more secrets. Taking a deep breath, I open my mouth.

"I don't trust them. And this goes beyond the girl code. Their allegiance lies with Carlisle, not you. They are under the impression that I am Edwards, not yours. Two minutes into our arrival, the Cullens will know. So what then?"

I don't have to look at Jasper to know he is staring at me. "We get what we come for then leave. And if there is a problem we will solve it."

I sigh.

"Isa." I acknowledge Jasper by cocking my head to the side. "We will protect you. And you need to be trained in combat. Peter will train you some on the way there. And once we leave there we will go to our home and I will train you. You won't be defenseless ever again."

I nod my head then freeze in horror. "I'm traveling with Peter! The bloody fucker will get us killed."

"No you will," Peter responds, poking his pink tongue out at me.

I flick him off. "Why can't I travel with Char?"

"Because you need to get use to him. Peter is a huge part of our lives, as annoying as that is." Jasper pats my head affectionately, earning a growl from me.

I look at Peter's goofy grin and roll my eyes. "You guys suck at being shrinks."

After that we discuss where to move to. Peter throws a hissy fit when we all agree to leave Texas. I swear, the venom did something to his head when he was changed. Jasper stays close to me even though I know he is trying to fight it. Sometimes I catch the looks of horror in his eyes at being tied to another person. I try not to let it get to me, knowing that I feel the exact same way. But if the truth be told, I'm slightly falling for the asshole. I flick my eyes to Char as she gets to her feet and slink to Jasper's side. Peter is in a eye battle with Jasper that I know to stay away from.

"If something happens to her, don't bother coming back." Peter nods as if he didn't expect anything less. I, on the other hand, am dumbfounded. What in the high hell does he think he come from to be able to threaten someone like that.

Peter drags Char out of the room, no doubt to have a quicky in the forest. I swear, I thought Emmett and Rose were bad, but those two are fucking sex addicts. Jasper's eyes are locked on my form as I saunter up to him. His body relaxes as I come near. His ruby eyes flicker to my mine, pausing as I stare into him. He takes an involuntary step towards me, his defenses forgotten with my easy smile. I jerk away from his advance as if I've been slapped. There is muted curse when I turn my back to him and sound of the wall crumbling from his fist.

"Wa-was that part of me?" I ask, fearing to turn around to face him. "I wasn't tr-trying to."

Jasper hasn't came any closer. "Yeah, that was an aspect of the siren thing."

"I don't like it. It feels like a drug."

"How does it make you feel?"

Finally, I turn and look at him. "It makes me feel in control. Like the ultimate predator in a room full of prey. It was automatic, natural even, to call to you. I hate it. I hate that I enjoyed it."

"Can I touch you?" Jasper has his hand outstretched, a very vulnerable look on his normal cold mask like face. I nod my head and then I'm in his arms. "We will figure this out. It won't consume you, I won't lose you to this."

"Okay."

"See how hard that was? I didn't even have to make you yield." I growl and jerk out of his arms. He gives me his famous full smile before I send my foot into his groin full force. He drops to his knees, glowering at me. As I walk past him I trail my hand over his broad shoulder. "Jasper, I might not be on your level, but I will teach you not to fuck with me. If you ever plan on taking a limb off of me be prepared to lose one of yours."

"Fuck you," he snaps.

I chuckle. "And it won't be an arm."

When we emerge from the house, Char and Peter are walking out of the forest with a starry expression. I arch an eyebrow at Jasper before hopping down the remaining stair. Char nods at me and I cock my head to the side before nodding back and jerking my head back towards Jasper. The guys aren't the only ones worried about their chosens. Peter grins at me, a hint of mischief playing on his lips. This is going to be a long couple of days.

"Call me if there is any trouble," Jasper calls. He pauses right behind me, so close that I can practically feel him. My body is rigid by the time he turns and takes off into the forest, Char's footsteps echoing behind him.

The wind ruffles Peter's blonde hair as he hooks his thumbs in his pants belt loops and rock on his heels. Asshole might get on my nerves, but he isn't bad looking.

"So..." he trails off, his eyebrows wiggling. Oh boy. "This trip should take about three days, considering you're going have to feed way more than I would."

"And your point is?" I snap, feeling the spike of pain in my throat.

"Well, lets make this interesting." I sigh; I knew there was going to be something. "For every messy kill you make you have to do one of my dares."

I shake my head. "What's in it for me?"

"For every neat kill, I will do anything of your choosing."

I grin and rub my hands together. "You're on."


End file.
